Because this one seems pertinent tonight:

"Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for."--Chief Justice Earl Warren

Elizabetha Regina, Head of the Commonwealth, Lord High Admiral, Supreme Governor of the Church of England, Deliverer of Cockpunches

I have nothing but disdain for liberals who believe hating George Bush is the same as articulating and embracing a cogent ideology. (I was at a party recently where the assembled basically stated that the U.S. had done nothing good in the past 50 years. Ignoring, of course, that this is merely an inversion of right-wing principles.)

That said, I think the current administration is corrupt and hubristic and venal. From the mangled execution of the Iraq war to NIH policy that classifies women in their menstruating years as "pre-pregnant" to the president's illogical tax cuts to the absence of habeus corpus after several years for Guantanamo detainees to the still-shocking fallout from Katrina to the Alberto Gonzales hearings to ignoring the science of climate change (and this, obviously, is an abbreviated list), the W. years have been, in many ways, an umitigated disaster.

Which is why it is my sincerest hope that, at tonight's White House dinner in her honor, Queen Elizabeth cock-punches George Bush with the full force of Zeus. Really, who better to pull this off than Britain's venerated monarch? Her own security detail, who probably view Bush as an uncouth and lobotomized ruffian, are unlikely to stop her. And what can the Secret Service do? Throw her to the parquet floor? Taze her? Abscond with her hat? She's the freaking Queen. Plus, she's 81 years old and unlikely to return to D.C. soon. It doesn't matter if she's crossed off Camp David's guest list. And with anti-U.S. sentiment at an all-time high in England, this presents a unique opportunity for Her Majesty to bolster favor among the Brits.

And if she nutmegs Cheney, I'll walk the Corgis for a year.

Verities:

1) Patton Oswalt's upcoming Werewolves and Lollipops is funnier than dog crap on your sister-in-law's Puma and smarter than a Richie Cunningham science project.

Order here:

http://www.subpop.com/releases/patton_oswalt/full_lengths/werewolves_and_lollipops


2) The more someone purports to be enlightened, the more she or he will be a complete fucking douche nozzle when it comes to understanding chronic illness.

Irrefutable proof that astrology is bullshit:

I just read that Ron Jeremy and James Taylor have the same birthday.

From a back issue of BUST that had fallen behind my couch:

Jill Soloway for BUST:
Do you believe in the possibility of a feminist revolution, post-MySpace? I mean, do you think that there is something that's going to come after all this porno-ization of America?

Amy Poehler:
That's a good question. I don't know. We were just talking about those American Apparel ads. They're fucking gross, man. Look, I love beautiful girls too. I think everyone should be free to have their knee socks and sweaty shorts, but I'm over it. I'm over this weird, exhausted girl. I'm over the girl that's tired and freezing and hungry. I like bossy girls, I always have. I like people filled with life. I'm over this weird media thing with all this, like, hollow-eyed, empty, party crap. I don't know, it seems worse than ever, but maybe it's just because we're getting old.

"Then her cell was too small to stand up in, she recalled"

From yesterday's Associated Press:

Women Bear the Brunt of Tehran's Crackdown

By SCHEHEREZADE FARAMARZI, Associated Press Writer Sat Apr 28, 1:44 PM ET

BEIRUT, Lebanon - Iranian police shoved and kicked them, loaded them into a curtained minibus and drove them away. Hours later, at the gates of Evin prison, they were blindfolded and forced to wear all-enveloping chadors, and then were interrogated through the night. All 31 were women — activists accused of receiving foreign funds to stir up dissent in Iran.

All 31 were women — activists accused of receiving foreign funds to stir up dissent in Iran. But their real crime, says Mahboubeh Abbasgholizadeh, was gathering peacefully outside Tehran's Revolutionary Court in support of five fellow activists on trial for demanding changes in laws that discriminate against women." But their real crime, says Mahboubeh Abbasgholizadeh, was gathering peacefully outside Tehran's Revolutionary Court in support of five fellow activists on trial for demanding changes in laws that discriminate against women.

During her 15 days in prison, "I tried to convince them that asking for our rights had nothing to do with the enemy," Abbasgholizadeh told The Associated Press by telephone from Tehran. "But they insisted that foreign governments were exploiting our cause."

More:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070428/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iran_crackdown_on_women

White House contact information:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/

From today's Slate: "Uncle Ben, CEO? The Strange History of Racist Spokescharacters"

David Segal's fascinating take on the venal manipulation of images:

http://slate.com/id/2164062/

Strangers, pull your shit together

This is one of those disconcerting stories because it underscores how dependent we are on those we don't know not to fuck up.

From today's Washington Post:

FDA Was Aware of Dangers to Food

Outbreaks Were Not Preventable, Officials Say

By Elizabeth Williamson

Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, April 23, 2007; Page A01

The Food and Drug Administration has known for years about contamination problems at a Georgia peanut butter plant and on California spinach farms that led to disease outbreaks that killed three people, sickened hundreds, and forced one of the biggest product recalls in U.S. history, documents and interviews show.

Overwhelmed by huge growth in the number of food processors and imports, however, the agency took only limited steps to address the problems and relied on producers to police themselves, according to agency documents.

Congressional critics and consumer advocates said both episodes show that the agency is incapable of adequately protecting the safety of the food supply.

FDA officials conceded that the agency's system needs to be overhauled to meet today's demands, but contended that the agency could not have done anything to prevent either contamination episode.

More:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/22/AR2007042201551.html?hpid=topnews

I haven't written here all week...

...because my news has been candy-coated delicious and it feels unseemly to relay it while so many are grieving. I think most of us remain a bit shell-shocked, too. Really, it's almost unfathomable that Manhattan received nearly eight inches of rain from Sunday to Monday and over 200 people died in four separate suicide bombings in Baghdad on Wednesday, and neither story was the lead because of the magnitude of horror out of Virginia Tech.

If, however, you need a laugh, I cede the floor to my friend, Mr. Spitznagel, and his poignant and fitting tribute to Kurt Vonnegut:

http://www.vonnegutsasshole.blogspot.com/

"Single State of the Union"

My essay, "The Great Cookie Offering", is included in the Seal Press anthology, Single State of the Union. I'm reading tomorrow night at 7:00 p.m. at the University Bookstore along with fellow contributors Jane Hodges, M. Susan Wilson, Dana Rozier, Rachel Toor, and (pal) Michelle Goodman. Our editor, the estimable Diane Mapes, leads the ring.

See you there?

Details:

http://singlestatebook.com/events/

More about Single State of the Union:

http://singlestatebook.com/about-the-book/

Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007

"Interviewer: You are a veteran of the Second World War?

Vonnegut: Yes. I want a military funeral when I die--the bugler, the flag on the casket, the ceremonial firing squad, the hallowed ground.

Interviewer: Why?

Vonnegut: It will be a way of acheiving what I've always wanted more than anything--something I could have had, if only I'd managed to get myself killed in the war.

Interviewer: Which is--?

Vonnegut: The unqualified approval of my community.

Interviewer: You don't feel you have that now?

Vonnegut: My relatives say that they are glad I'm rich, but that they simply cannot read me."

--From Vonnegut's 1977 self-interview with the Paris Review, reprinted in Palm Sunday, 1981

New York Times obit:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/12/books/12vonnegut.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Annie; Imus

My Paste review of Annie Stela's January 29 Tractor Tavern show is here, two months after I turned it in:

http://pastemagazine.com/action/article/4018/annie_stela

Her album, Fool, is remarkable and everyone to whom I've given it has said, "She's fucking amazing!" To which I always reply, "Yeah, I know." Seriously, rest of world: get on board.


Re Don Imus calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos", I'm surprised no one has said, "'Nappy-headed', Don? Really?" It's a case--and no, I'm not reaching for a pun here--of pot-kettle-black. He's got a right to say what he wants--obviously--but what's particularly egregious about what he said is that it seems that no matter what a person who belongs to an ethnic minority accomplishes, there is still someone eager to cut them down, essentially, for being a member of an ethnic minority who is accomplished.

Imus' response to the fall out is completely irritating. I believe he is genuinely contrite, but he seems startled by the response to his comments. He's doing the Bill Maher/Dixie Chicks thing where he wants to say his piece, but he's thin-skinned in the face of opposition. I'm a liberal--no kidding--but I don't care what side you're on: speak out and don't be a fucking crybaby.

"And It's Outta Here"

My friend, Caryn Rose, also has a story in the current issue of the lit journal, Hobart. Check out "And It's Outta Here":

http://hobartpulp.com/website/april/rose.html

"Sandy Koufax 1964"

This was my twelfth and perhaps best trip to New York. I received a bunch of good news, I was (relatively) ambulatory, and I got to spend time with H and E--two of the greatest persons ever--simultaneously and for many days in a row.

Also, while I was gone, my short story, "Sandy Koufax 1964" appeared in the literary journal, Hobart:

http://hobartpulp.com/website/april/dremousis.html

Mad props once again to Sean Carman, (by far) one of the smartest editors with whom I've worked to date.

Various and sundry

1) I'm on my way out of town for the week and I get to see two of my very favorite people at the same time, which delights me, as such individuals are often spread out all over the place.

2) I've worked with some highly intelligent and talented editors along the way, several of whom have become friends or cherished acquaintances. Then there are the others. Besides the fact they placed the Northwest's most overrated band on the cover of the new issue, a noted music magazine seems to have culled its editorial staff exclusively from those who need shock therapy and those who have recently received it. I won't be writing for them again.

3) Found myself at the NW Crafts Center yesterday at Seattle Center (long story) and discovered that, apparently, the region was running low on clay jugs splashed intermittedly with blue and copper glaze and friezes of onion bulbs and starlings. And now the gap has been stopped.

Writers you should be reading

1) Kate Izquierdo:

http://www.kateizquierdo.com/

2) Sean Carman:

http://seancarman.wordpress.com/

"But it's like I'm stuck inside a painting/ That's hanging in the Louvre..."

Because this one is too often overlooked. "Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight" from Bob Dylan's 1983 LP, Infidels: Just a minute before you leave, girl, Just a minute before you touch the door. What is it that you're trying to achieve, girl? Do you think we can talk about it some more? You know, the streets are filled with vipers Who've lost all ray of hope, You know, it ain't even safe no more In the palace of the Pope. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, yeah. Come over here from over there, girl, Sit down here. You can have my chair. I can't see us goin' anywhere, girl. The only place open is a thousand miles away and I can't take you there. I wish I'd have been a doctor, Maybe I'd have saved some life that had been lost, Maybe I'd have done some good in the world 'Stead of burning every bridge I crossed. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, oh, yeah. I ain't too good at conversation, girl, So you might not know exactly how I feel, But if I could, I'd bring you to the mountaintop, girl, And build you a house made out of stainless steel. But it's like I'm stuck inside a painting That's hanging in the Louvre, My throat start to tickle and my nose itches But I know that I can't move. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's gone but the past lives on, Tomorrow's just one step beyond And I need you, oh, yeah. Who are these people who are walking towards you? Do you know them or will there be a fight? With their humorless smiles so easy to see through, Can they tell you what's wrong from what's right? Do you remember St. James Street Where you blew Jackie P.'s mind? You were so fine, Clark Gable would have fell at your feet And laid his life on the line. Let's try to get beneath the surface waste, girl, No more booby traps and bombs, No more decadence and charm, No more affection that's misplaced, girl, No more mudcake creatures lying in your arms. What about that millionaire with the drumsticks in his pants? He looked so baffled and so bewildered When he played and we didn't dance. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, yeah.

Copyright © 1983 Special Rider Music Link: http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/dontfall.html

I agree with everything except the last one

This ran without a byline or I'd give the (prescient) author credit. Esquire's "A Guide to Picking New Music":

Good Signs

-- The album-cover art is suitable for framing.
-- The first ten seconds of song 10 are about as good as the first ten seconds of song 1.
-- The band has played Conan O'Brien.
-- The music is put out by any of the following labels: Bloodshot, Barsuk, Anti-, ATO, Lost Highway, New West, Nonesuch, Merge, or Sub Pop.
-- Not even the female band members are wearing makeup.

Bad Signs
-- On the album cover, the band looks like they're having a great time.
-- The band's name includes any number under 100.
-- Any of the band's songs features a long introduction marked by dissonance or silence.
-- The music is by a male singer-songwriter who uses his first, middle, and last names (with the exception of David Allen Coe, who is a fine musician).
-- Laser sounds.
-- Any letters in the band name, album title, or song titles are written backward or replaced by a number.
-- You're attracted to the woman who's singing (90 percent accurate).

Link:

http://www.esquire.com/features/eskyawards2007/newmusic0407

"A Young Irene Dunne, Maybe"

My short story, "A Young Irene Dunne, Maybe" was published in the print version of the literary journal, Cranky, almost two years ago. Cranky recently expanded its web site and now the story is online, too:

http://failedpromise.org/Issue_Five/Dremousis.html

Link to Cranky's archives:

http://failedpromise.org/

Britain Proposes Law to Curb Greenhouse Gases

From today's New York Times:

Britain Proposes Law to Curb Greenhouse Gases

By Alan Cowell

Published: March 13, 2007

LONDON, March 13 — As nations and politicians in many parts of Europe compete to burnish their green credentials, the British government today proposed laws requiring a 60 percent reduction in total carbon dioxide emissions by 2050.

If approved, the draft Climate Change Bill could affect many Britons in many ways. Government representatives might be summoned to appear before judges for failing to meet targets; households could come under pressure to switch to low-energy light bulbs and to install more insulation, and manufacturers could be asked to build televisions or DVD players without standby modes that consume energy even when the devices are not in use.

More:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/13/world/europe/13cnd-britain.html?hp