Probably because, thus far, I have neither Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon nor George W. Bush on speed dial:

If you live in Seattle and yearn to be inside even though it's 80 degrees and startlingly beautiful out, come by the Rendezvous tonight at 7 pm for the latest installment of the awesomely awesome A Guide to Visitors storytelling series. It's being filmed for the Seattle Channel and will be televised subsequently and then archived online. So if I curse accidentally, which, as most of you know, I do frequently but on purpose, I will get bleeped and it will be preserved from now until the apocalypse.

Though if Bono can get away with it, why can't I?

More on the Seattle Channel:

http://www.seattlechannel.org/

But that's the beauty of this neighborhood:

There's been a dog barking outside my bedroom window for the last five minutes.

And a guy has been barking right back.

Today has been one of those days where...

...individuals who I thought could hold their shit together have, in fact, been unable to hold their shit together.

So it is with a heart full of gratitude that I thank the barrista who gave me the pink vanilla iced cake donut for free an hour ago.

Carnage has been averted.

Discuss:

I had a dream last night wherein Patton Oswalt and I were eating turkey hoagies.

[Sidenote: Kitchen unpacked and cleaned. Woo hoo!]

Dear "Family Values" Closet Cases:

If you could come out at the same so that all of us might get on with things, that would be swell.

Signed,

Everybody Else

Excerpt:

"When the police interviewed him later, the senator said that 'he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom' and that was why his foot may have touched the officer's, the report said."

More:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/08/28/craig.arrest/index.html

In a much more serious vein:

Our family in Greece is deeply rattled, but unscathed.

Thanks, all, who have asked as to their well-being.

More:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/27/greece.fires.ap/index.html

Notes from the move:

The new place is completely painted.

Everything in the bathroom is unpacked, the counters cleaned and the tub scrubbed.

I've put deck chairs on the balcony, so I can overlook the Space Needle and partake in outdoor mochas.

____ is pretty fucking great at ____.

Shelf paper has made me its bitch.

I've replaced the short piece I wrote here last night...

...with the slightly expanded version I wrote for The Nervous Breakdown:

http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/litsa_dremousis/2007/08/words-i-never-t.html

Okay. Back to packing.

Garage sale!

I've placed ads in all the appropriate venues, but if you want to buy some of my stuff and/or bring me a mocha, feel free to stop by the garage sale I'm having at Mom and Dad's today (Saturday) from 9 a.m. until 3 p.m. (If you know me and you live in town, you know where the folks are located. If you don't remember, call me on my cell.) I'm selling tons of clothes, books, jewelry, collectible mags (Madonna, Nirvana, et al), my dining room table and chairs, desk, bureaus, vinyl, and enough indie rock promo CDs to make the emotards cream their skinny jeans.

Fuck, I've got to get some sleep.

He's shy at first, but you can coax him out of his shell with licorice whips and gumdrops:

JR takes an ax to rock show encores in a new interview on NPR:

http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org/programs/2007/08/11/death_to_the_encore.html

Dear Everyone Who Knows Me:

A few of you already know this, but the oft-discussed move occurs in three and a half weeks. I bought a place on the northwest part of Capitol Hill and to paraphrase the line from A Hard Day's Night, I really dig it and all the other pimply hyperbole.

I'm beat but wonderfully happy.

More very soon,
Litsa

My newest piece for Esquire, "How About a Little Hope?", is here today:

Opinion

How About a Little Hope?

Yes, yes, we know. The world is polluted, Iraq is an utter mess, NBA referees are crooked... Here are 20 quotes from scientists, actors, and convenience store employees who aren't so hopeless.

By Litsa Dremousis (more from this author)

7/30/2007, 8:03 AM

Jump to story

Photo illustration by Eric Gillin, images via iStockPhoto

We are all going to die. But while this is an unfortunate byproduct of still being alive, this fact has taken on a pervasive sense of doom over the last few years. It's not that we're going to die, it's that it's going to happen right now and in an incredibly painful way. Every day it's something new: Bird flu, global warming, terrorism, gun-toting school kids, crazy old Russians stockpiling newer nukes, poisonous Chinese toothpaste...

The list goes on and on. So why do most of us resist the urge to suck down a Vicodin Stoli and call it a day? The reasons are as elusive as they are myriad. American philosopher William James once asked, “Why should we think upon things that are lovely? Because thinking determines life. It is a common habit to blame life upon the environment. Environment modifies life but does not govern life. The soul is stronger than its surroundings.”

Perhaps we're compelled to live not merely because it is a biological imperative, but because we believe things will get better. Maybe hope -- like those cravings for the sex and red meat that will eventually kill us -- is hard-wired into our DNA. Or maybe, more so than anything, hopelessness is the ideological equivalent of legwarmers or the Segway: ostensibly modern, ultimately useless.

Since we're glass half-full people, we asked 20 subjects, What gives you hope? This is what they had to say:

• Patton Oswalt, actor, Ratatouille
• James Cartwright, commander, Navy SEALS
• Yellow Hawk, homeless man
• Sean Carman, attorney, Department of Justice
• Amy Sedaris, writer; actress, Shrek the Third
• Dr. Sylvia Lucas, neurologist and multiple sclerosis researcher
• Brad Listi, novelist, Attention.Deficit.Disorder
• John Roderick, guitarist, The Long Winters
• Ron Jeremy, porn star, All I Want for Christmas Is a Gangbang
• Will Napier, seven-year-old
• Kate Izquierdo, music critic, San Francisco Bay Guardian
• Randal Gage, television news executive, KOCO Channel 5
• Mistress Matisse, professional dominatrix
• Mary Rouvelas, attorney, American Cancer Society
• Kathleen Bresnahan, night-shift hostess, Denny's
• John Vanderslice, singer/songwriter, Emerald City, Pixel Revolt
• George Langley, actor, Enemy of the People
• Arthur Bradford, author; director, Dogwalker, How's Your News?
• Barfly, singer, Saturday Knights
• Sam Arefi, clerk, Union 76 gas station and food mart

"What gives me hope is the dreadful tread of history. Knowing how much closer we’ve been to the edge of destruction, and managed to pull back and save ourselves, means we’re probably going to do okay. I mean, we bounced back from the Black Plague, and the people who did it still believed in goblins. We’ve got iPods and Pinkberry now. We’re bulletproof."
-- Patton Oswalt, actor, Ratatouille

Return to top.

“Nothing ‘gives’ me hope, but I have it. I hope that each of my two sons will grow up to be a better man than I am. Sure, there are other things I hope for but in the grand scheme, they aren't that important. Hope is what one can find within oneself in order to make sense of things and make it all worthwhile. A struggle, no doubt. But if you need someone or something else to give you hope, then you don’t really have it. You just have an excuse.”
-- James Cartwright, commander, Navy SEALS

Return to top.

"The National Rifle Association gives me hope. Peace comes out of the barrel of a gun and whoever has the most bullets wins."
-- Yellow Hawk, homeless man

Return to top.

“When someone is a spectacular failure on every level, it crushes my spirit. When the most powerful man in the world is an arrogant bully who is actually proud of his ignorance, why even get out of bed? But when great people make a small mistake, when they inadvertently reveal their humanity through some small blunder, that gives me hope. I already loved Hugh Grant, but when he was caught getting a $50 b.j. from a sidewalk hooker, he instantly became my favorite actor.”
-- Sean Carman, attorney, Department of Justice

Return to top.

“What keeps me going? The feeling I got back in elementary school when Miss Parker had us plant seeds in the bottom of our Dixie cups and then days later we saw grass. That's hope in a nutshell.”
-- Amy Sedaris, writer; actress, Shrek the Third

Return to top.

“What keeps me working these ridiculous hours is the hope that I can make a difference in peoples' lives when they have no hope. Medicine is not about curing disease. But it’s about providing hope, support, and relief while sickness resolves or comfort, compassion and ease if it cannot.”
-- Dr. Sylvia Lucas, neurologist and multiple sclerosis researcher

Return to top.

“Hope is one of those wonderful lies that we tell ourselves: things will be better tomorrow. The truth is that things might not be better tomorrow. We might get hit by a bus tomorrow. Or an asteroid. Or a bullet train. And if that winds up happening, most of us are hoping for some sort of heavenly afterlife in the Great Beyond. And the interesting thing about this heavenly afterlife is that most of us imagine it as an eternal family reunion in the clouds, even though most of us don’t really like family reunions, and most of us don’t like clouds. And even if we do like family reunions, and we do like clouds, most of us wouldn’t want to be at a cloudy family reunion for eternity. Me personally? My sense of ultimate hope is more polytheistic in nature. I’m hoping for the reunion, certainly, and I’m hoping for the clouds. But I’m also hoping for some sunshine. And a beach. And eighty virgins. And Jesus’ cell phone number. And I’m hoping to be reincarnated as a rock star who also happens to be the fastest man alive. Because I believe it’s so important to stay positive.”
-- Brad Listi, novelist, Attention.Deficit.Disorder

Return to top.

“The Constitution of the United States. It's still the best document of its kind, and written into it are exactly the kind of protections that ensure that no person or group of persons, no matter how diabolical or insane, can hijack the country for much longer than a decade”
-- John Roderick, guitarist, The Long Winters

Return to top.

“What gives me hope is that I’ll have good heath. My dad is eighty-nine, quick-witted, healthy as an ox, and his mom lived to be in her mid-nineties. I have a pet tortoise named Cherry and her lifespan is one hundred and sixty. So God or Mother Nature wants us to live that long to keep tortoises company.”
-- Ron Jeremy, porn star, All I Want for Christmas Is a Gangbang

Return to top.

“I hope to see penguins.”
-- Will Napier, seven-year-old

Return to top.

“City life is a clash of concrete, temper and finance that does little to assuage my darkest social inclinations. But where there is struggle, there is regeneration. I live in hope, then, because despair precludes participating in the war against those who are complacent, those who are cruel, and those who wear deck shoes to the office.”
-- Kate Izquierdo, music critic, San Francisco Bay Guardian

Return to top.

“The surprises keep things interesting. You can't predict how a sunset will flare over the horizon, how swimming in the sea under a warm blue sky will feel.”
-- Randal Gage, television news executive, KOCO Channel 5

Return to top.

"Phrases like 'having hope' and 'what keep me going' to me seem of imply that one is under some sort of ongoing duress. What keeps me going is that I'm happy and I like my life. I don't think of it as having hope, I'm just...happy."
-- Mistress Matisse, professional dominatrix

Return to top.

“I have hope because despite the rapes and murders, there are outpourings of love and sympathy afterwards. Even better, there are the everyday moments, like when I saw two men running with a handkerchief held between them. I found out later they were training for a marathon. One was blind, and the other was leading the way.”
-- Mary Rouvelas, attorney, American Cancer Society

Return to top.

"I'm excited to go to college. That's my next big adventure. I'm modeling with Seattle Models Guild. I'm going to see where it goes. If college doesn't work out, I'll have modeling as a fallback."
-- Kathleen Bresnahan, night-shift hostess, Denny's

Return to top.

“Caffeine gives me hope. Sometimes, when I brew my wicked strong Irish black tea just perfect, about halfway through the mug I feel a clear and overwhelming feeling of optimism. It didn't surprise me when a study a few years ago implied that suicide was much less likely among coffee and tea drinkers.”
-- John Vanderslice, singer/songwriter, Emerald City, Pixel Revolt

Return to top.

“Most recently, what has given me hope comes from Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything where he makes the following observation about the human species: ‘For complex organisms, the average lifespan of a species is only about four million years -- roughly where we are now.’ Maybe our selfish little reign of terror is nearly at its end. Other than that, The Family Circus pretty much gets me out of bed everyday. ‘What are girl chipmunks called? CHICKmunks!’ Priceless.”
-- George Langley, actor, Enemy of the People

Return to top.

“As much as we talk about how everything's going to shit, it really isn't. Young people come along and take a look at things and will surprise us with new ideas. And I recently read Ishmael Beal's book A Long Way Gone. Even though it's filled with horrors and hopeless situations, at least there's this one guy who made it out and wrote this great book. When someone can produce something like that from the madness of his life, it gives me hope.”
-- Arthur Bradford, author; director, Dogwalker, How’s Your News?

Return to top.

“I actually have a tattoo on my left forearm of a cocktail bomb wrapped in a banner with the word ‘hope’ in it. Trying to articulate what that tattoo means usually just makes me sound nuts so I always leave it open to interpretation. What keeps me going is a desperate fear I might miss out on something amazing if I don't keep on truckin'. I mean, the Red Sox won a World Series. What's next? ‘Ghost riding the whip’ in the Olympics? Free wi-fi in Bakersfield? Oh yeah, and 2012. I want to see if the shit really hits the fan when the Mayan calendar expires in 2012. ”
-- Barfly, singer, Saturday Knights

Return to top.

"You know, after what my dad went through, what I do is not that hard. He escaped from Iran during the war with Iraq. He came here with, literally, twenty bucks in his pocket and now he owns a bunch of businesses. So I give myself hope. I wake up each day and say 'I'm happy.'"
-- Sam Arefi, clerk, Union 76 gas station and food mart

Link:

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/opinion/hope071907

Today we salute my cherished friend, Mr. Eric Spitznagel...

...who is not afraid to fly the dork flag very, very high regarding the (sure-to-be-awesome) Simpsons movie:

http://vonnegutsasshole.blogspot.com/2007/07/useless-and-far-too-personal-simpsons.html

I'm not judging. I will be the exact same way when the Sex and the City film is released. (That's right. I said it.)

Or make-up sex and bowling:

I've been an R.E.M. fan since 1983 (my friends and I would pour over the lyrics on Chronic Town and Murmur with the intensity most people reserve for porn or the Bible) and an admirer of Marc Jacob's designs since before he had his own label, when he took over the Perry Ellis house when the latter died. Even with the impending move, I'm not selling my R.E.M. vinyl and the few Marc Jacobs pieces I've been able to afford are among my favorites. But perhaps, like pepperoni pizza and Green and Black chocolate, some things that are sublime individually should never be mixed.

The upcoming Marc Jacobs ads featuring Michael Stipe are a total crapfest:

http://idolator.com/tunes/stand-in-the-place-where-you-are/michael-stipe-auditions-for-american-apparel-modeling-gig-282502.php

There is absolutely no moral or logical reason...

...why prosecutors shouldn't have the option to seek the death penalty in abuse cases this venal and where the defendant's guilt is not in question:

From the Associated Press via CNN:

SAN DIEGO, California (AP) -- A former respiratory therapist was sentenced to more than 45 years in prison Wednesday for sexually preying upon some of the most defenseless patients at the hospital where he worked: children so sick they couldn't speak out.

Wayne Albert Bleyle had pleaded guilty to molesting five disabled children and taking pornographic photographs of others. Prosecutors said he targeted patients who were comatose, brain-damaged or too disabled to talk.

He allegedly told investigators he molested as many as half the children he treated in 10 years working in the convalescent ward at Rady Children's Hospital in San Diego.

More:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/07/25/therapist.molest.ap/index.html

Bigger assholes than Lindsay Lohan's parents

I don't usually weigh in on Britney, Jessica, et al because they don't interest me, but Lohan is actually quite talented and perhaps has more in common with Robert Downey Jr. than, say, the Hilton sisters. I'm not underestimating the severity of Lohan's back-to-back DUI charges: my grandmother was permanently injured by a drunk driver and spent the rest of her life in crippling pain. But I have several friends and acquaintances who are recovering alcoholics and/or addicts. I know that addiction doesn't absolve morally or exonerate legally, but that it does explain the neurological underpinnings of certain behavior.

That said, could Lohan have been saddled with more craven and inept parents than her perpetually convicted father and her never-had-it-never-will mom? Yes, but only slightly. Individuals from various historical epochs who are/were bigger assholes than Michael and Dina Lohan:

• Eva Braun: Hitler is the more obvious choice, but Braun willingly and repeatedly gave him beav. Which makes you wonder if she didn't occasionally pull trains with Weimar thieves and child peddlers: it seems unlikely she leapt straight from courting normal fellows to boffing one of the most evil men in history.
  
• The two guys who asked if I wanted "one in front and one in the butt" and said they wanted to "give those curls a pull" when I was walking through Belltown last week on my way to meet TJ. If I could get Titus Andronicus on them--grind them into a pie and feed them to their loved ones--I would, unquestionably. Besides, I know several great musicians who would play a most raucous "Free Litsa!" show.
• The Nazi soldier who shot at my father when he was a kid, thereby permanently lodging shrapnel in his leg. (Yes, I know, another Nazi, but there's room on this list for more than one.)
  
• Ann Coulter. Not only is it okay to refer to Ann Coulter as a "cunt", it shouldn't be okay not to.
• The person married to ______. See "Ann Coulter".
  
• "Papa Doc" Duvalier, the deceased Haitian dictator and father to the only slightly less deranged "Baby Doc" Duvalier. "Papa Doc" would have his enemies decapitated then have their individual heads brought to him on a tray while he was in the bath, where he would stare into their eyes and meditate. You have to wonder from whence the initial impetus sprung, i.e. the first time he thought, "You know, I've got an idea..."
• Anyone who says, "It's all good".

I'm in so much pain right now I can barely stand it and yet...

...I'm mustering the concentration to note that this is one of the most poorly written pieces of shit ever:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-weber/now-its-on-to-iran-and-l_b_57468.html

You know you wish you'd thought of it:

• To stave off protracted economic instability, airlines should offer, at a slightly higher rate, flights that bar children under twelve. (I'd suggest charging parents of said kids more, but like swiping ecstasy for Dick Cheney's heart meds or throat-punching Seattleites who refer to New York as "too noisy", it would be illegal.)
• If you don't like Regina Spektor and/or Elliott Smith, you don't get to vote.
• In the eighteen months following a divorce, one relocates to a government-sponsored ranch in say, Wyoming, where therapy and beer are provided for free.
• The stone-throwing scene from "The Lottery" is enacted against those who don't think Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby's recording of Cole Porter's "Well, Did You Evah!" is one of the high points of the twentieth century.
  
• Free head and pizza for whomever cures CFIDS.
  

One more reason I heart Jezebel.com:

I have a love/hate relationship with Gawker Media--sometimes I think they're spot on and others I think they're recklessly cruel--but their latest venture, Jezebel, is wickedly funny and the smartest of the bunch. Today's post on perceptions of curly hair makes me want to buy their editorial staff a round of blueberry-glaze donuts:

http://jezebel.com/gossip/standards-of-beauty/why-is-straight-hair-the-epitome-of-style-280210.php

And if you haven't already, check out the unrelated but equally compelling Feministing.com:

http://feministing.com/

Stuff I don't get:

• Telling me you ate rabbit the other night
  
• The guy with the "Free Tibet" and "Peace is Patriotic" bumper stickers who, while driving like a teeth-grinding meth head, cut me off on Market Street this afternoon
  
• Jamie Lee Curtis' musings on Huffington Post
• Healthy individuals with ample cash and no kids who prattle on that they don't know what they want to do with their lives, expecting sympathy instead of bemused disdain
  
• Journey, then or now (seriously, David Chase, what the fuck?)
• Writers who believe MFAs connote talent
• My downstairs neighbor who beats off loudly (dude, you're solo: color within the lines)
  
• Billy Corgan's sense of self-importance
  
• "Vegetarians" who don't understand that "just eating fish" makes them carnivores
• Anyone who doesn't think Wanda Sykes and Patton Oswalt are totally fucking hilarious
• Deriving anything but time-warping boredom from wedding and baby showers
• Giving a shit about Janet Jackson's weight
  

The Hitch

The introduction is unintentionally hilarious--why bother eating oatmeal for your cholesterol if you knock it back with Scotch, cigarettes and prosciutto?--but the man is staggeringly intelligent and remains one of my favorite writers. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Christopher Hitchens:

http://radaronline.com/features/2007/04/christopher_hitchens_god_is_not_great_1.php

Another gem unearthed in the pre-move excavation:

Q: Does the glamour part of show business put you off?

A: No. Not at all. I love it. It's dress-up. I like all that. It would be awful to lose that. It's like the monarchy. I might not necessarily approve of what it represents, but I'd miss the hats.

--Emma Thompson, Vanity Fair, February 1996. (Interview by Kevin Sessums, photo by Annie Leibovitz.)

At the risk of sounding ethnocentric...

...I'm appalled that such practices continue in any part of the world for any reason, whether it be religious, cultural, or economic. It's just wrong:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/07/05/damon.india.widows/index.html

Everything about this makes me sad

Lauryn Hill is deeply talented and there was a time she seemed lit from within. I hope she finds her way out of the miasma:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/06/29/HILL.TMP

http://blogs.sfweekly.com/shookdown/2007/06/damn_lauryn_hills_train_wreck.php

On a blonde right-wing commentator

Humans die through one of five ways:

• Homicide
• Suicide
• Accident (falling off the roof, etc.)
• Weather (flood, hurricane, et al)
• Illness

An affluent person in the Western world is most likely to succumb to the latter.

Said commentator enjoys making jokes about death in the Edwards family, which would be out of bounds for either party at any time, but seems particularly venal given the state of Elizabeth Edwards' cancer.

And yet, where Mrs. Edwards is, said commentator will one day be, in all probability.

Remember Lee Atwater?

Enough said.

The Rainn King:

Today I encountered a real estate agent who didn't know the square footage of the condominium he was showing.

"I think it's around seven hundred," he said offhandedly.

"Do you know for certain?" I asked.

"No. I left the flyer in my car," he replied, visibly annoyed, as if I'd snatched a fry from his plate or flicked him in the balls.

Perhaps he was having an off-day or is the throes of an existential crisis, unsure if he wants to spend his finite time hawking overpriced conversion units that reek of Hungry Man Dinners and cat piss. But mostly, he seemed bad at his job, a walking refutation of social Darwinism. And also, kind of a schmo.

Which is why, tonight, I salute Rainn Wilson, a.k.a. Dwight Schrute on the U.S. version of "The Office". I have no idea what Wilson is like as a person (and for all I know, he's delightful), but that's not the point. In a world teeming with gas-siphoning scofflaws and pencil-chewing half-wits, the shruggingly disdainful and those who phone it in, Wilson embodies Schrute with the precision and vigor of a heart surgeon on Red Bull. He is, quite simply, good at his job.

And in all forms, good is worth noting.

"I have no desire to go back to Iraq, but here, it's almost like a prison. I want stability, a house, car. I want to get married, to have a life."

Today is World Refugee Day:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/06/20/damon.iraqrefugees/index.html

I just watched President Bush explain on CNN...

...why he vetoed the embryonic stem cell research bill.

I won't address the intellectual and moral incongruity of a man seemingly untroubled by tens of thousands of Iraqi civilian deaths, yet protective of life in its least developed form. And I was going to be flip and joke that if it would cure CFIDS, I would support research that harvested arms and legs from my neighbors' kids.

But the underlying issue--more so than any religious underpinnings-- is that the man does not understand the exigency of circumstances for those who live with chronic illness, injury, or pain, nor how it impacts the lives of their friends, families, and lovers.

In a strange way, he's lucky.

I love the happy parts, too...

...but this might be excessive:

http://fleshbot.com/sex/sexy-science-corner/how-to-see-your-vagina--from-the-inside-270624.php

Could get interesting if they use (hardening chocolate syrup) Magic Shell, though.

Hippie kids report mass sightings of blonde yeti in aviator shades

JR covers Bonnaroo for MSNBC:

http://bonnaroo.msnbc.msn.com/

Unless you're a communist or something

Turns out listening to the Pixies' "Here Comes Your Man", Outkast's "Hey Ya", the Who's "The Kids Are Alright", Oasis' "Up in the Sky", the White Stripes' "Hotel Yorba", and Weezer's "The Good Life" sequentially and at earbleed level is akin to 50 cc's of seratonin injected through the skull and directly into the cerebral cortex.

Occasionally, it is that simple.

Armistead Maupin Lives:

Salon's Laura Miller wrote of Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City books, "As with the Beatles, everyone seems to like Maupin's Tales--and, really, why would you want to find someone who didn't?"

Maupin's work is smart and engaging and tastier than picnic table cobler on a warm June night. The Night Listener and the TotC series were the best part of some otherwise hideous couchbound weeks in '02 and '03 and I'm delighted that his newest, Michael Tolliver Lives, is on stands now.

While I might never forgive the editor who declined to let me interview him and assigned a Q & A with a video-installation artist instead (yeah, I know), I did enjoy Maupin's recent tete a tete with EW:

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20041807,00.html

And mad props to my parents, who not only read "The Cousinfucker" (see yesterday's entry)...

...but who just called to tell me how much they enjoyed it.

That cinches it: no old age home for you guys.

"The Cousinfucker"

My short story, "The Cousinfucker", is in the June issue of the lit journal, Hobart:

http://hobartpulp.com/website/june/dremousis.html

"The sun struggles up another beautiful day/ And I felt glad in my own suspicious way...

...Despite the contradiction and confusion
Felt tragic without reason
There's malice and there's magic in every season..."

Goddamnit, Seattle. Again with the Tevas.

My third piece for Esquire is here:

The Soul Singer in the Shadows

She was Miles Davis' second wife with a killer set of pipes and attitude to spare. For the first time in decades, Betty Davis talks about walking away from the business.

By Litsa Dremousis

5/31/2007, 10:01 AM

If you listen for it, it's there. The faint hint of a growl, like a Bengal tiger rising from a nap. "It doesn't matter," she says when asked if she prefers to be called "Betty" or "Ms. Davis" and the voice is unmistakably that of the legendary funk songstress, the woman who roared "I said if I'm in luck/ I just might get picked up" at the start of her self-titled debut, Betty Davis, thirty-four years ago.

Light in the Attic Records has just re-issued Davis' first two discs, Betty Davis and 1974's They Say I'm Different, Molotov cocktails of sticky sex and unchained rhythmic propulsion. To support the re-releases, she agrees to what is only her seventh interview in the past three decades, conducted by phone from her home in Pittsburgh. She is engaged but reticent, politely and frequently answering questions with the fewest words possible. When asked if her epoch-defining years sometimes feel as if they happened to someone else, her reply is a single snare drum kick with zero elaboration: "Yes."

More:

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/music/betty-davis-053107

This makes me want to move to England...

...right this second:

http://www.winterbournerabbits.co.uk/index.htm

Too fucking tired to concoct a witty headline using the word "filter":

My review of the Betty Davis reissues, Betty Davis and They Say I'm Different, is in the current print issue of Filter and online now:


http://www.filter-mag.com/index.php?id=14465&c=3

I interviewed Annie Stela in the fall and it ran in Filter's Winter '07 print issue. It went online earlier this week:


http://www.filter-mag.com/index.php?id=14508&c=2

Best Sitemeter discovery ever:

Someone in Hsinying, Taiwan landed here tonight after Googling "pull your shit together".

Intelligence and stupidity crop up everywhere, so you can't assume the Justice Department is...

...idiot-free, any more than you can assume the guy who rang up my organic tomato soup yesterday doesn't have Proust tucked in his messenger bag. (The latter is entirely possible: it's one of the things I like most about Seattle.)

That said, isn't there some sort of bar you have to clear, some nominal I.Q. requirement, that precludes the Justice Department hiring someone whose legal reasoning skills amount to:

"I know I crossed the line. But I didn't mean to."

Perhaps Monica Goodling's next job should involve a doodle pad and colored pens.

From Reuters:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070523/pl_nm/usa_prosecutors_dc

[Sidenote: Yes, editor friends, I know there should be question mark outside the above quotation marks. It's ineffective in this context.]

Damned near perfect:

• Mary J. Blige's vocals on "One" with U2
• Fuji apples with Adam's Peanut Butter (creamy)
• Traipsing through Washington Square Park when it's 72 degrees and sunny
• Grabbing cashew chicken at Ballet 3 p.m. on a weekday when it's practically empty, accompanied by the new issue of Vanity Fair
• Each item of clothing in which Ava Gardner was ever photographed
• Adrian Lester's performance in Primary Colors
• Patricia Bosworth's biography of Diane Arbus
• Sinatra's Live in '57
• Red Mill onion rings
• Hemingway's depiction of friendship, love and rivalry among writers in A Moveable Feast
• Reading Betty and Veronica comic books in the backyard as a kid
• The birdnest in the tree near my front door
• Aveda tangerine oil
• Vincent Longo lipstain
• That night
  

I'm in the pre-move excavation process...

...and finding all sorts of ephemera accrued over the years. Thought I'd share this one:

From Mr. Eggers' June 2004 Spin Magazine column:

"So my question: Is there some genetic strain that runs through the Newsom family that makes them courageous, and even a little crazy? And is there any doubt that the two traits must always coexist? You never find courage without a touch of madness, and to live with madness in any quantity you must be strong as an ox."

"I may be obliged to defend/ every love, every ending...

...or maybe there's no obligations now..."

I'm moving.

Finally.

Because this one seems pertinent tonight:

"Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for."--Chief Justice Earl Warren

Elizabetha Regina, Head of the Commonwealth, Lord High Admiral, Supreme Governor of the Church of England, Deliverer of Cockpunches

I have nothing but disdain for liberals who believe hating George Bush is the same as articulating and embracing a cogent ideology. (I was at a party recently where the assembled basically stated that the U.S. had done nothing good in the past 50 years. Ignoring, of course, that this is merely an inversion of right-wing principles.)

That said, I think the current administration is corrupt and hubristic and venal. From the mangled execution of the Iraq war to NIH policy that classifies women in their menstruating years as "pre-pregnant" to the president's illogical tax cuts to the absence of habeus corpus after several years for Guantanamo detainees to the still-shocking fallout from Katrina to the Alberto Gonzales hearings to ignoring the science of climate change (and this, obviously, is an abbreviated list), the W. years have been, in many ways, an umitigated disaster.

Which is why it is my sincerest hope that, at tonight's White House dinner in her honor, Queen Elizabeth cock-punches George Bush with the full force of Zeus. Really, who better to pull this off than Britain's venerated monarch? Her own security detail, who probably view Bush as an uncouth and lobotomized ruffian, are unlikely to stop her. And what can the Secret Service do? Throw her to the parquet floor? Taze her? Abscond with her hat? She's the freaking Queen. Plus, she's 81 years old and unlikely to return to D.C. soon. It doesn't matter if she's crossed off Camp David's guest list. And with anti-U.S. sentiment at an all-time high in England, this presents a unique opportunity for Her Majesty to bolster favor among the Brits.

And if she nutmegs Cheney, I'll walk the Corgis for a year.

Verities:

1) Patton Oswalt's upcoming Werewolves and Lollipops is funnier than dog crap on your sister-in-law's Puma and smarter than a Richie Cunningham science project.

Order here:

http://www.subpop.com/releases/patton_oswalt/full_lengths/werewolves_and_lollipops


2) The more someone purports to be enlightened, the more she or he will be a complete fucking douche nozzle when it comes to understanding chronic illness.

Irrefutable proof that astrology is bullshit:

I just read that Ron Jeremy and James Taylor have the same birthday.

From a back issue of BUST that had fallen behind my couch:

Jill Soloway for BUST:
Do you believe in the possibility of a feminist revolution, post-MySpace? I mean, do you think that there is something that's going to come after all this porno-ization of America?

Amy Poehler:
That's a good question. I don't know. We were just talking about those American Apparel ads. They're fucking gross, man. Look, I love beautiful girls too. I think everyone should be free to have their knee socks and sweaty shorts, but I'm over it. I'm over this weird, exhausted girl. I'm over the girl that's tired and freezing and hungry. I like bossy girls, I always have. I like people filled with life. I'm over this weird media thing with all this, like, hollow-eyed, empty, party crap. I don't know, it seems worse than ever, but maybe it's just because we're getting old.

"Then her cell was too small to stand up in, she recalled"

From yesterday's Associated Press:

Women Bear the Brunt of Tehran's Crackdown

By SCHEHEREZADE FARAMARZI, Associated Press Writer Sat Apr 28, 1:44 PM ET

BEIRUT, Lebanon - Iranian police shoved and kicked them, loaded them into a curtained minibus and drove them away. Hours later, at the gates of Evin prison, they were blindfolded and forced to wear all-enveloping chadors, and then were interrogated through the night. All 31 were women — activists accused of receiving foreign funds to stir up dissent in Iran.

All 31 were women — activists accused of receiving foreign funds to stir up dissent in Iran. But their real crime, says Mahboubeh Abbasgholizadeh, was gathering peacefully outside Tehran's Revolutionary Court in support of five fellow activists on trial for demanding changes in laws that discriminate against women." But their real crime, says Mahboubeh Abbasgholizadeh, was gathering peacefully outside Tehran's Revolutionary Court in support of five fellow activists on trial for demanding changes in laws that discriminate against women.

During her 15 days in prison, "I tried to convince them that asking for our rights had nothing to do with the enemy," Abbasgholizadeh told The Associated Press by telephone from Tehran. "But they insisted that foreign governments were exploiting our cause."

More:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070428/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iran_crackdown_on_women

White House contact information:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/

From today's Slate: "Uncle Ben, CEO? The Strange History of Racist Spokescharacters"

David Segal's fascinating take on the venal manipulation of images:

http://slate.com/id/2164062/

Strangers, pull your shit together

This is one of those disconcerting stories because it underscores how dependent we are on those we don't know not to fuck up.

From today's Washington Post:

FDA Was Aware of Dangers to Food

Outbreaks Were Not Preventable, Officials Say

By Elizabeth Williamson

Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, April 23, 2007; Page A01

The Food and Drug Administration has known for years about contamination problems at a Georgia peanut butter plant and on California spinach farms that led to disease outbreaks that killed three people, sickened hundreds, and forced one of the biggest product recalls in U.S. history, documents and interviews show.

Overwhelmed by huge growth in the number of food processors and imports, however, the agency took only limited steps to address the problems and relied on producers to police themselves, according to agency documents.

Congressional critics and consumer advocates said both episodes show that the agency is incapable of adequately protecting the safety of the food supply.

FDA officials conceded that the agency's system needs to be overhauled to meet today's demands, but contended that the agency could not have done anything to prevent either contamination episode.

More:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/22/AR2007042201551.html?hpid=topnews

I haven't written here all week...

...because my news has been candy-coated delicious and it feels unseemly to relay it while so many are grieving. I think most of us remain a bit shell-shocked, too. Really, it's almost unfathomable that Manhattan received nearly eight inches of rain from Sunday to Monday and over 200 people died in four separate suicide bombings in Baghdad on Wednesday, and neither story was the lead because of the magnitude of horror out of Virginia Tech.

If, however, you need a laugh, I cede the floor to my friend, Mr. Spitznagel, and his poignant and fitting tribute to Kurt Vonnegut:

http://www.vonnegutsasshole.blogspot.com/

"Single State of the Union"

My essay, "The Great Cookie Offering", is included in the Seal Press anthology, Single State of the Union. I'm reading tomorrow night at 7:00 p.m. at the University Bookstore along with fellow contributors Jane Hodges, M. Susan Wilson, Dana Rozier, Rachel Toor, and (pal) Michelle Goodman. Our editor, the estimable Diane Mapes, leads the ring.

See you there?

Details:

http://singlestatebook.com/events/

More about Single State of the Union:

http://singlestatebook.com/about-the-book/

Kurt Vonnegut 1922-2007

"Interviewer: You are a veteran of the Second World War?

Vonnegut: Yes. I want a military funeral when I die--the bugler, the flag on the casket, the ceremonial firing squad, the hallowed ground.

Interviewer: Why?

Vonnegut: It will be a way of acheiving what I've always wanted more than anything--something I could have had, if only I'd managed to get myself killed in the war.

Interviewer: Which is--?

Vonnegut: The unqualified approval of my community.

Interviewer: You don't feel you have that now?

Vonnegut: My relatives say that they are glad I'm rich, but that they simply cannot read me."

--From Vonnegut's 1977 self-interview with the Paris Review, reprinted in Palm Sunday, 1981

New York Times obit:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/12/books/12vonnegut.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Annie; Imus

My Paste review of Annie Stela's January 29 Tractor Tavern show is here, two months after I turned it in:

http://pastemagazine.com/action/article/4018/annie_stela

Her album, Fool, is remarkable and everyone to whom I've given it has said, "She's fucking amazing!" To which I always reply, "Yeah, I know." Seriously, rest of world: get on board.


Re Don Imus calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos", I'm surprised no one has said, "'Nappy-headed', Don? Really?" It's a case--and no, I'm not reaching for a pun here--of pot-kettle-black. He's got a right to say what he wants--obviously--but what's particularly egregious about what he said is that it seems that no matter what a person who belongs to an ethnic minority accomplishes, there is still someone eager to cut them down, essentially, for being a member of an ethnic minority who is accomplished.

Imus' response to the fall out is completely irritating. I believe he is genuinely contrite, but he seems startled by the response to his comments. He's doing the Bill Maher/Dixie Chicks thing where he wants to say his piece, but he's thin-skinned in the face of opposition. I'm a liberal--no kidding--but I don't care what side you're on: speak out and don't be a fucking crybaby.

"And It's Outta Here"

My friend, Caryn Rose, also has a story in the current issue of the lit journal, Hobart. Check out "And It's Outta Here":

http://hobartpulp.com/website/april/rose.html

"Sandy Koufax 1964"

This was my twelfth and perhaps best trip to New York. I received a bunch of good news, I was (relatively) ambulatory, and I got to spend time with H and E--two of the greatest persons ever--simultaneously and for many days in a row.

Also, while I was gone, my short story, "Sandy Koufax 1964" appeared in the literary journal, Hobart:

http://hobartpulp.com/website/april/dremousis.html

Mad props once again to Sean Carman, (by far) one of the smartest editors with whom I've worked to date.

Various and sundry

1) I'm on my way out of town for the week and I get to see two of my very favorite people at the same time, which delights me, as such individuals are often spread out all over the place.

2) I've worked with some highly intelligent and talented editors along the way, several of whom have become friends or cherished acquaintances. Then there are the others. Besides the fact they placed the Northwest's most overrated band on the cover of the new issue, a noted music magazine seems to have culled its editorial staff exclusively from those who need shock therapy and those who have recently received it. I won't be writing for them again.

3) Found myself at the NW Crafts Center yesterday at Seattle Center (long story) and discovered that, apparently, the region was running low on clay jugs splashed intermittedly with blue and copper glaze and friezes of onion bulbs and starlings. And now the gap has been stopped.

Writers you should be reading

1) Kate Izquierdo:

http://www.kateizquierdo.com/

2) Sean Carman:

http://seancarman.wordpress.com/

"But it's like I'm stuck inside a painting/ That's hanging in the Louvre..."

Because this one is too often overlooked. "Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight" from Bob Dylan's 1983 LP, Infidels: Just a minute before you leave, girl, Just a minute before you touch the door. What is it that you're trying to achieve, girl? Do you think we can talk about it some more? You know, the streets are filled with vipers Who've lost all ray of hope, You know, it ain't even safe no more In the palace of the Pope. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, yeah. Come over here from over there, girl, Sit down here. You can have my chair. I can't see us goin' anywhere, girl. The only place open is a thousand miles away and I can't take you there. I wish I'd have been a doctor, Maybe I'd have saved some life that had been lost, Maybe I'd have done some good in the world 'Stead of burning every bridge I crossed. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, oh, yeah. I ain't too good at conversation, girl, So you might not know exactly how I feel, But if I could, I'd bring you to the mountaintop, girl, And build you a house made out of stainless steel. But it's like I'm stuck inside a painting That's hanging in the Louvre, My throat start to tickle and my nose itches But I know that I can't move. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's gone but the past lives on, Tomorrow's just one step beyond And I need you, oh, yeah. Who are these people who are walking towards you? Do you know them or will there be a fight? With their humorless smiles so easy to see through, Can they tell you what's wrong from what's right? Do you remember St. James Street Where you blew Jackie P.'s mind? You were so fine, Clark Gable would have fell at your feet And laid his life on the line. Let's try to get beneath the surface waste, girl, No more booby traps and bombs, No more decadence and charm, No more affection that's misplaced, girl, No more mudcake creatures lying in your arms. What about that millionaire with the drumsticks in his pants? He looked so baffled and so bewildered When he played and we didn't dance. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, yeah.

Copyright © 1983 Special Rider Music Link: http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/dontfall.html

I agree with everything except the last one

This ran without a byline or I'd give the (prescient) author credit. Esquire's "A Guide to Picking New Music":

Good Signs

-- The album-cover art is suitable for framing.
-- The first ten seconds of song 10 are about as good as the first ten seconds of song 1.
-- The band has played Conan O'Brien.
-- The music is put out by any of the following labels: Bloodshot, Barsuk, Anti-, ATO, Lost Highway, New West, Nonesuch, Merge, or Sub Pop.
-- Not even the female band members are wearing makeup.

Bad Signs
-- On the album cover, the band looks like they're having a great time.
-- The band's name includes any number under 100.
-- Any of the band's songs features a long introduction marked by dissonance or silence.
-- The music is by a male singer-songwriter who uses his first, middle, and last names (with the exception of David Allen Coe, who is a fine musician).
-- Laser sounds.
-- Any letters in the band name, album title, or song titles are written backward or replaced by a number.
-- You're attracted to the woman who's singing (90 percent accurate).

Link:

http://www.esquire.com/features/eskyawards2007/newmusic0407

"A Young Irene Dunne, Maybe"

My short story, "A Young Irene Dunne, Maybe" was published in the print version of the literary journal, Cranky, almost two years ago. Cranky recently expanded its web site and now the story is online, too:

http://failedpromise.org/Issue_Five/Dremousis.html

Link to Cranky's archives:

http://failedpromise.org/

Britain Proposes Law to Curb Greenhouse Gases

From today's New York Times:

Britain Proposes Law to Curb Greenhouse Gases

By Alan Cowell

Published: March 13, 2007

LONDON, March 13 — As nations and politicians in many parts of Europe compete to burnish their green credentials, the British government today proposed laws requiring a 60 percent reduction in total carbon dioxide emissions by 2050.

If approved, the draft Climate Change Bill could affect many Britons in many ways. Government representatives might be summoned to appear before judges for failing to meet targets; households could come under pressure to switch to low-energy light bulbs and to install more insulation, and manufacturers could be asked to build televisions or DVD players without standby modes that consume energy even when the devices are not in use.

More:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/13/world/europe/13cnd-britain.html?hp

Intestate Follies!

My second piece for Esquire is here:

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/qa-theside/death030707

"Day 341"

My short story, "Day 341", is on Pindeldyboz now:

http://www.pindeldyboz.com/ldday341.htm

Link to the current P-boz issue:

http://www.pindeldyboz.com/

Hagel for President?

I disagree with Senator Chuck Hagel on abortion and environmental issues, but I hope he runs for President because his candor and intelligence might elevate the level of discourse from both parties.

Excerpt from Charles P. Pierce's Esquire profile on the Nebraska senator:

"The president says, 'I don't care.' He's not accountable anymore," Hagel says, measuring his words by the syllable and his syllables almost by the letter. "He's not accountable anymore, which isn't totally true. You can impeach him, and before this is over, you might see calls for his impeachment. I don't know. It depends how this goes."

The conversation beaches itself for a moment on that word -- impeachment -- spoken by a conservative Republican from a safe Senate seat in a reddish state. It's barely even whispered among the serious set in Washington, and it rings like a gong in the middle of the sentence, even though it flowed quite naturally out of the conversation he was having about how everybody had abandoned their responsibility to the country, and now there was a war going bad because of it.

"Congress abdicated its oversight responsibility," he says. "The press abdicated its responsibility, and the American people abdicated their responsibilities. Terror was on the minds of everyone, and nobody questioned anything, quite frankly."

More:

http://www.esquire.com/features/chuckhagel0407

And to everyone...

...who helped make last Saturday's 40th birthday party so much fucking fun, thankee kindly.

Much love always,

L

Search and rescue; ethics; underwear

My first piece for Esquire is here:

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/qa-theside/idiots022707

I'm finishing the second one right now. Please send cashew chicken.

I caved:

I have a Flickr account now:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/litsa/

Holding firm on MySpace, though.

Banal metaphor: the earth's most renewable resource

Melissa Etheridge won an Academy Award last night for her song, "I Need to Wake Up", from the documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. In keeping with the film's environmentally conscious message, Etheridge apparently recycled lyrics from a cache of Utne Reader letters and her seventh grade journal entries:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/1872999091/Melissa_Etheridge/I_Need_to_Wake_Up

From AP via Sports Illustrated: Dennis Johnson Dies at 52

When we were kids, my brother and I kept photos of Dennis Johnson--along with pictures of Fred Brown, Gus Williams, Jack Sikma, John Johnson, Joe Hassert, Wally Walker and Al Fleming--taped to the downstairs rec room walls. (The photos of Marvin Webster came down after he was traded.) When the neighborhood kids played basketball, everyone wanted to "be" DJ. Thoughts and prayers to his family.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- Dennis Johnson, the star NBA guard who was part of three championships and teamed with Larry Bird on one of the great postseason plays, died Thursday after collapsing at the end of his developmental team's practice. He was 52.

Johnson, coach of the Austin Toros, was unconscious and in cardiac arrest when paramedics arrived at Austin Convention Center, said Warren Hassinger, spokesman for Austin-Travis County Emergency Medical Services.

Paramedics tried to resuscitate him for 23 minutes before he was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead, Hassinger added. Mayra Freeman, a spokeswoman for the medical examiner's office, said there will be an autopsy.

The Toros postponed home games Friday and Saturday nights, the NBA Development League said.

"He was one of the most underrated players in the history of the game, in my opinion, and one of the greatest Celtic acquisitions of all time," said former Boston teammate Danny Ainge, now the Celtics' executive director of basketball operations.

"D.J. was a free spirit and a fun personality who loved to laugh and play the game. We had spoken at length just the other night about basketball and his excitement about coaching the Austin Toros. "

Johnson, a five-time All-Star and one of the top defensive guards, was part of the last Boston dynasty. He spent 14 seasons in the league and retired after the 1989-90 season. He played on title teams with the Celtics in 1984 and 1986 and with the Seattle SuperSonics in 1979, when he was the NBA finals MVP.

"Whether he was leading his teams to NBA championships or teaching young men the meaning of professionalism, Dennis Johnson's contributions to the game went far beyond the basketball court," NBA commissioner David Stern said. "Dennis was a man of extraordinary character with a tremendous passion for the game."

Link:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/basketball/nba/02/22/johnson.obit.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

or

http://tinyurl.com/2atgey

Think what they could have gotten if they'd sent out sanitary napkins

Esquire sent paper napkins to 250 writers and asked for stories. The results are sublime:

http://www.esquire.com/fiction/napkin-fiction/napkinproject

My Filter Magazine feature on Annie Stela...

...is on stands now. (I'll post it when it's archived online. Right now, it's print-only.) In the meantime, check out the awesomely gifted Ms. Stela's video for "It's You":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-ONLhJBvmw

Sidenote: "It's You" is her first single, and while it's lovely, I don't think it's her best song. My fave is the deliciously witty "Keep Me Around".

The Saturday Knights: awesome as sex; vintage coats

Sometimes listening to promo discs feels like homework, but I've been rocking the Saturday Knights' non-stop since Friday. (Thank you, as always, to my friend, the venerable and talented Mr. Estey.) Their song, "45", has been getting play on KEXP and on KNDD, but my favorite track is the infectious and revved, "Motorin'".

If the Saturday Knights can't alleviate your existential doldrums, you are one phone call away from the crisis line:

http://www.myspace.com/thesaturdayknights

From Reuters via CNN: Work starts on Arctic seed vault

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Deep inside the Arctic Circle work is about to begin on a giant frozen Noah's Ark for food crops to provide a last bastion in the battle against global warming.

And within a year the first seeds of what will eventually be home for samples of all 1.5 million distinct varieties of agricultural crops worldwide will be tucked safely inside the vaults deep in a mountain on the archipelago of Svalbard.

There, at the end of a tunnel 120 meters into the side of a mountain, 80 meters above estimated sea levels even if all polar ice melts, and 18 degrees Celsius below freezing, they will stay like a bank security deposit.

"It will be the best freezer in the world by several orders of magnitude. The seeds will be safe there for decades," said Cary Fowler of the Food and Agricultural Organization's Global Crop Diversity Trust.

"Svalbard is a safety backup -- and we hope we never have to use it."

The Norwegian government is footing the $5 million construction bill and the Global Crop Diversity Trust is providing the estimated $125,000 a year running costs.

"We are going back to the older varieties because that is where you find the largest genetic diversity ... and diversity is protection," Fowler told Reuters in London.

Svalbard will not find and sort the seeds. That is being left to the various seed banks around the world in the front line of the battle to protect biodiversity.

The function of the Arctic Noah's Ark will be to hold samples of all the food crop varieties in case disaster strikes any of the banks -- like the typhoon that wiped out the Philippines agri crop gene bank in October.

More:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/02/09/climate.deep.freeze.reut/index.html

News editors: apparently, not film buffs

A slew of reports have compared Anna Nicole Smith to her supposed idol, Marilyn Monroe. Yes, they were both blonde former Playmates with substance abuse problems who died in their late thirties. The crucial difference, however, is that Monroe was an actress. She made two pictures with Billy Wilder for chrissakes. (Some Like It Hot remains one of the few films my brother and I enjoy equally.) Is Monroe's photographic image now divorced from her work? Has no one in the newsroom viewed Gentlemen Prefer Blondes? And perhaps the saddest part of the Smith tale, aside from her children, is that everyone knew who she was, but no one was her fan.

Diapers and Vicodin

With regards to the astronaut/attempted murder/love triangle tale saturating the news today, I'm reminded of something Matthew Perry said on "Larry King" years ago. King asked Perry how many Vicodin he took each day prior to getting clean. Perry (wisely) said he wouldn't answer that publicly because he said there is a tendency for someone in denial to hear a high number and think, I don't take one hundred Vicodin a day, I must not be an addict.

The diapers are, essentially, the one hundred Vicodin in the krazee astronaut story. Valentine's Day is approaching and, undoubtedly, some apparently functioning individual is sitting at his or her desk right now, gnawing on a pencil, and contemplating the harm of one who spurned his or her advances. The tripwire, however, is that now said individual can concoct an elaborate scheme involving glass shards, maple syrup, and a safety leash and still mull reassuringly, "At least I won't shit myself on the way there."

"The trouble with blaming powerless people is that although it's not nearly as scary as blaming the powerful, it does miss the point..."

"...Poor people do not shut down factories ... Poor people didn't decide to use 'contract employees' because they cost less and don't get any benefits."--Molly Ivins, 1997

I remember reading this piece when it first ran and it was hugely influential. When I first became ill, there were times her work made me laugh when little else could. Ms. Ivins wrote with a brio and intelligence sorely lacking on both ends of the ideological spectrum. Today she died of breast cancer at 62. God fucking damnit.

Molly Ivins R.I.P.:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/31/obit.ivins.ap/index.html

Stuff you need to know right now

1) CNN's Jeff Greenfield looks way too happy to be trotted out for pre-election commentary. As I write this, I swear, in his tete a tete with Wolf Blitzer, he looks a bit hard.

2) Hey, music publicists! The next one of you who practically humps my leg in order to get me to review your act and I show up at the club and my name is not on the list, I will hunt you down and shank you. Then teach you to write a press release without referencing Karen O. or Sonic Youth.

3) The Pernice Brothers' "Somerville" was the second best song of 2006. (The first, of course, was the LWs' "Hindsight". You can fight me on this. You will lose.)

Keep in mind I've seen "Grey Gardens" on Broadway

STW's production of Arthur Miller's adaptation of Henrik Ibsen's "An Enemy of the People" is one of the most powerful shows I've seen in years. Like most writers, I inadvertantly spend half my night in a theater dissecting the script and the production. By the second or third scene, though, I was so engrossed, that the critical portion of my brain relented and I absorbed the play strictly as an audience member. (Of course, if the script weren't seemless, this would have been impossible.) And I cried. In public. Which is something I almost never do. (Yes, I have a friend in the show. But, obviously, that's not why I'm writing about it.)

Details:

January 18 - February 17, 2007 $20

7:30 pm Thurs - Fri - Sat
purchase 4 tickets for the price of 3!
click here to purchase tickets online
or telephone (800) 838-3006
THURSDAYS PAY-WHAT-YOU-CAN at the door

Richard Hugo House
1634 11th Avenue on Seattle's Capitol Hill

More:

http://www.strawshop.org/

Totally awesome unless they opt for indie bangs, too

It's invigorating when someone pursues what they love, regardless of the bullshit they might encounter. From today's New York Times:

Truly Indie Fans

By JESSICA PRESSLER

Published: January 28, 2007

WHEN Douglas Martin first saw the video for Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as a teenager in High Point, N.C., “it blew my mind,” he said. Like many young people who soothe their angst with the balm of alternative rock, Mr. Martin was happy to discover music he enjoyed and a subculture where he belonged.

Except, as it turned out, he didn’t really belong, because he is black.

“For a long time I was laughed at by both black and white people about being the only black person in my school that liked Nirvana and bands like that,” said Mr. Martin, now 23, who lives in Seattle, where he is recording a folk-rock album.

But 40 years after black musicians laid down the foundations of rock, then largely left the genre to white artists and fans, some blacks are again looking to reconnect with the rock music scene.

The Internet has made it easier for black fans to find one another, some are adopting rock clothing styles, and a handful of bands with black members have growing followings in colleges and on the alternative or indie radio station circuit. It is not the first time there has been a black presence in modern rock. But some fans and musicians say they feel that a multiethnic rock scene is gathering momentum.

“There’s a level of progress in New York in particular,” said Daphne Brooks, an associate professor of African-American studies at Princeton. She was heartened last summer by the number of children of color in a class she taught at the Willie Mae Rock Camp for Girls, where kids learn to play punk-rock standards.

There is even a new word for black fans of indie rock: “blipster,” which was added to UrbanDictionary .com last summer, defined as “a person who is black and also can be stereotyped by appearance, musical taste, and/or social scene as a hipster.”

Bahr Brown, an East Harlem resident whose Converse sneakers could be considered blipster attire, opened a skateboard and clothing boutique, Everything Must Go, in the neighborhood in October, to cater to consumers who, like himself, want to dress with the accouterments of indie rock: “young people who wear tight jeans and Vans and skateboard through the projects,” he said.

“And all the kids listen to indie rock,” he said. “If you ask them what’s on their iPod, its Death Cab for Cutie, the Killers.”

A 2003 documentary, “Afropunk,” featured black punk fans and musicians talking about music, race and identity issues, and it has since turned into a movement, said James Spooner, its director. Thousands of black rock fans use Afropunk.com's message boards to discuss bands, commiserate about their outsider status and share tips on how to maintain their frohawk hairstyles.

“They walk outside and they’re different,” Mr. Spooner said of the Web site’s regulars. “But they know they can connect with someone who’s feeling the same way on the Internet.”

More:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/28/fashion/28Blipsters.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Great moments in self-control

I did not laugh--or stick my hand through the partition and break his goddamned clavicle--when my Seattle cab driver told me, "I know a lot about New York. I watch 'Regis and Kelly' every morning."

"It makes it so much better touring when you don’t want to murder the other band"

Tonight I cede the floor to Joe Pernice:

http://www.pernicebrothers.com/

For Papou

Next week makes seventeen years since my grandfather died. If he were alive now, he'd be ninety-nine and today would be his saint's day. He was a captain in the Greek navy, fluent in four languages, and the depth of his knowledge was staggering. He was well-versed in all things Homeric and I think he would have been intrigued by the following.

From the BBC:

Drilling 'boosts Homeric theory'

The Mediterranean island of Kefalonia was probably once two separate islands, new geophysical studies suggest.

A British-led team is amassing evidence that indicates Kefalonia's western peninsula, Paliki, was only recently joined to the main landmass.

The team believes a huge in-fall of rock in the last 3,000 years may have built a land-bridge between the two.

If correct, the researchers say, it would support their view that Paliki was the real site for Homer's Ithaca.

The location was supposedly home to Odysseus, whose mythical 10-year journey back from the Trojan War was chronicled in the Greek poet's epic tale The Odyssey.

New results from a test borehole and other survey work in the region lend support to the Paliki hypothesis, the team claims.

More:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6256807.stm

From today's New York Times: Skull Supports Theory of Human Migration

By JOHN NOBLE WILFORD

Published: January 12, 2007

From a new analysis of a human skull discovered in South Africa more than 50 years ago, scientists say they have obtained the first fossil evidence establishing the relatively recent time for the dispersal of modern Homo sapiens out of Africa.

[State University of New York at Stony Brook Scientists used radiation absorbed by sand in this skull to find its age.]

The migrants appeared to have arrived at their new homes in Asia and Europe with the distinct and unmodified heads of Africans.

An international team of researchers reported yesterday that the age of the South African skull, which they dated at about 36,000 years old, coincided with the age of the skulls of humans then living in Europe and the far eastern parts of Asia, even Australia. The skull also closely resembled skulls of those humans.

The timing, the scientists and other experts said, introduced independent evidence supporting archaeological finds and recent genetic studies showing that modern humans left sub-Saharan Africa for Eurasia between 65,000 and 25,000 years ago; probably closer to 45,000 to 35,000 years ago for Europe.

Until now, however, paleontologists had been frustrated by the absence of fossils to test the hypothesis of most geneticists that the people of sub-Saharan Africa and in Eurasia at that time were one and the same — modern humans. The human fossil record in Africa from 70,000 to 15,000 years ago had been virtually blank.

Some scientists, on the other hand, have contended that the migration could have begun as early as 100,000 years ago and that in the intervening time, contact with more archaic populations like the Neanderthals could have produced recognizable changes in what became the modern humans of Eurasia. But no scientists in the migration debate have disputed that ancestors of the human species originated in Africa.

In a report in today’s issue of the journal Science, a research team led by Frederick E. Grine of the State University of New York at Stony Brook concluded that the South African skull provided critical corroboration of the archaeological and genetic evidence indicating that humans in fully modern form originated in sub-Saharan Africa and migrated, almost unchanged, to populate Europe and Asia.

Dr. Grine and his colleagues said in an announcement by Stony Brook that the skull was the first fossil evidence “in agreement with the out-of-Africa theory, which predicts that humans like those that inhabited Eurasia should be found in sub-Saharan Africa around 36,000 years ago.”

Ted Goebel, an anthropologist at Texas A&M University who was not connected to the research, said the skull opened the way to important insights about “the missing years of modern humans.”

Writing in an accompanying commentary in the journal, Dr. Goebel said, “Here is the first skull of an adult modern human from sub-Saharan Africa that dates to the critical period, and one that can speak to the relationship of early moderns from Africa and Europe.”

The new findings pivoted on fixing the skull’s age. When it was uncovered in 1952 near the town of Hofmeyr, South Africa, the cranium was almost complete, but the bone was degraded. Not enough carbon remained for scientists at the time to extract a radiocarbon date.

Using new technology, Richard Bailey and other researchers at the University of Oxford measured the amount of radiation that had been absorbed by sand grains that had filled the braincase since its burial. They calculated the yearly rate at which radiation had collected in the sand and checked this with data from a CT scan of the bone. In this way, they determined that the Hofmeyr skull belonged to a human who lived 36,000 years ago, plus or minus 3,000 years.

Another member of the team, Katerina Harvati of the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, made a detailed examination of the shapes, sizes and contours of all parts of the skull. She compared these three-dimensional measurements with those of early human skulls from Europe and with skulls of living humans in Eurasia and southern Africa, including the Khoe-San, commonly known as the Bushmen.

Because the Bushmen are well represented in the more recent archaeological record, Dr. Harvati said, they were expected to bear a close resemblance to the Hofmeyr skull. Instead, the skull was found to be quite distinct from all recent Africans, including the Bushmen, she said, and it has “a very close affinity” with fossil specimens of Europeans living in the Upper Paleolithic, the period best known for advanced stone tools and cave art.

“Much to my amazement,” Dr. Grine said in an interview, “the skull linked very closely with those from Europe at the time and not with South African remains 15,000 years on.”

Dr. Grine said these modern humans probably originated in East Africa, which is rich in fossils of ancestors of the species, and moved into Eurasia and also south to the tip of Africa.

“It would be nice,” he conceded, “if we had more than one specimen.”

Another report in Science describes one of the earliest occupation sites of modern humans in Europe, at Kostenki on the Don River, 250 miles south of Moscow. Its stone and bone tools and a human figurine appeared to have been made about 45,000 years ago, perhaps earlier than human sites to the west.

The lead author of the report was Michael Anikovich of the Russian Academy of Sciences. John Hoffecker of the University of Colorado, a team member, said the small figurine might be “the oldest example of figurative art ever discovered.”

Dr. Goebel said the new research, archaeology, genetics and the Hofmeyr skull should help explain when and how modern humans leaving Africa spread out to different environments, which, he added, “is one of the greatest untold stories in the history of humankind.”

Link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/12/science/12skull.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Did I miss a meeting?

When did all of us vote to bequeath ubiquity upon Justin Timberlake?

If someone could get back to me on this, I'd appreciate it.

L

Indie kids, what the fuck?

I'm not on MySpace so it's a moot point, but it would be super-cool if some lame-o band out of Tustin, California didn't have my name:

http://myspace.com/litsa

Also, it would be a different world today if whomever spearheaded Boat's campaign had run Gore's or Kerry's:

http://threeimaginarygirls.com/2006top.asp

And if ten Greeks say you're talking too much, shut up

"When I'm working, I have this little card over my desk that says, 'If nine Russians tell you you're drunk, lie down.' Because especially if you write and direct your own work, there's a danger that you have absolutely no perspective. For me, I feel quite clear and strong when I'm working, and then when I've made the film, I just desperately hope it will communicate something to someone else. [Laughs.] It's like you're a monk in the cutting room and a whore in the cinema."

--director Anthony Minghella (The English Patient, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Breaking and Entering) to Entertainment Weekly