"There's a story in the book in which I wound up in a waiting room, in France, in my underpants. And everybody else...

...had their clothes on. It took me six years to write about it."

The Stranger's Steven Blum interviews David Sedaris:

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=621684&hp

You are so fucked, dude:

It's been widely reported that Alexander Rodriguez told a friend regarding Madonna, "She's my fucking soul mate, dude."

This morning I read that A-Rod's soon-to-be ex-wife, Cynthia, is Greek.

Things I Would Rather Do Than Explain Writing to Those Who Don't Write:

• Forego spring rolls and shrimp phad thai for a year

• Have a Viagra-fueled three-way with John and Cindy McCain whilst Sean Hannity lurks by the nightstand and jerks off
  

• Listen to a well-educated person in their 30s act surprised that having children is, in fact, a singular and transformative experience

• Hang out with a baby boomer who launches into an anecdote with, "Back when I was on campus..."

• Endure a Candlebox revival

• Discuss "one's journey" with Madonna

• Make out with a life coach

• Eat a bag of dog crap
  

The Bill Walton headbands, too:

Indie kids, you know I love you, but if we could stop with the bolero hats, I'd really appreciate it.

When you ape Gene Loves Jezebel, that story ends badly.

Or their ass cracks:

The past week has been pretty great, so I didn't write about the Sonics' upcoming exodus because I didn't feel like it.

But the Sonics were a big part of my youth and I'm sad the region's young-uns won't get to cheer them on the way all of us on the block did when we were kids. Basically, Clay Bennett and his cohorts ooze a smugness that makes me hope fire ants crawl up their dicks upon arrival in the Sooner State.

Don't rule it out: the part of Greece I'm descended from has put curses on the deserving for centuries.

It's all right, Seattle. I'm on it.

A few couples close to me are trying to conceive...

...and they each report being bombarded with questions: Are you pregnant yet? Why'd you wait so long? Are you considering in vitro? Are you thinking of adopting? Are you pregnant yet? Are you? ARE YOU?

On their behalf, let me reply emphatically and without reserve: Shut the fuck up.

I don't understand how anyone besides the individuals in question (and maybe their folks) concludes that this is their business. As someone who doesn't want kids, I can relay that certain types of people are ceaselessly fascinated with others' procreative choices. I don't get it and never will. If you want kids, have them. If you don't, don't. (As Wanda Sykes and I discussed in the Believer interview: unwanted children become the biggest assholes.) But for god's sake, don't harass friends or family regarding their decisions.

Because eventually, they'll wish you were never born.

When I was in high school, I had a zoology teacher...

...who taught with patience and gusto. Several kids--wankers, all--made fun of her because she was fat, and looking back, it seems unfathomable that she didn't know their whispered jibes were directed at her. Still, she remained unflappable in class and took extra time to work with me so that I'd stay abreast while my family and I traversed Greece for three weeks. Even at that age, I was fairly certain my future lay in the arts and that most of our curriculum would have little practical application in my adult life. But I enjoyed her class each day because she made the fundamentals of zoology tangible and fun. And now when I frequently read the science sections of the New York Times and CNN.com--I have a layperson's appreciation--in an indirect way, it's because of her.

So I thought of Mrs. ____ last night when I watched this Time Magazine interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist, director of the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History and host of NOVA scienceNOW. The erudition and passion with which he discusses life's atomic origins and Issac Newton's discoveries make me wish that when I was at the museum in 2006, I'd knocked on his door, offered him a mocha, and asked, "Can I listen to you think?"

It is my fondest hope that I one day interview Dr. deGrasse Tyson:

http://www.time.com/time/video/?bcpid=1214055407&bclid=1342094282&bctid=1628434334

After a weekend filled with sun and butterflies...

...I can't help but feel grateful just to be alive.

Sleep well, all.

Apart from homicidal dictators and the occasional all-thumbs editor...

...I try not to wish death upon anyone.

But I was about to link to an interview w/ the nutball Dick Morris when my Blackberry went off. I checked and the New York Times email alert said George Carlin died at his home in Los Angeles.

Fuck.

I petition God for a swap.

(Also, belatedly: Tim Russert R.I.P.)

More:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/arts/24carlin.html?hp

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/06/dick_morris_is_still_mad_at_th.html#hp

Group nudity, rum drinks, rockin' out : Eric Spitznagel on the high seas

The deeply gifted and forever adored Mr. Spitznagel has an awesome new feature, "Rock the Boat", in the July/August issue of Radar.

Excerpt:

"If you've ever lived in Los Angeles, you've most likely experienced that moment when you're out with your friends and somebody says, 'Hey, we should drive to Las Vegas!' So you all pile into the car thinking you're being spontaneous and wild, until you get about midway through the desert and return to your senses. Las Vegas is never as good as you think it's going to be. Wayne Newton, in actuality, isn't so hilariously kitschy. He's just kind of creepy.

A rock cruise is like Las Vegas with all the exits cut off."

Details:

http://www.radaronline.com/from-the-magazine/2008/06/julyaugust_2008_table_of_contents.php

No one asked Bill Clinton how to fire up the grill:

Michelle Obama has her law degree from Harvard and Cindy McCain has her master's in special education from USC, but thank god we know their favorite recipes:

http://wonkette.com/400510/cindy-mccain-continues-to-steal-easily-googlable-recipes#more-400510

I have no idea if a McCain intern plagiarized this recipe, too (see above), but that's not the point. That these women are queried on baked goods makes me want to cram a flour sifter up some editor's ass.

I think Hillary gave a remarkable speech...

...and that her points on gender were particularly smart and eloquent.

I posted this elsewhere, but if she had set this tone from the get-go, had canned Mark Penn and Patti Solis-Doyle after Iowa, and had somehow, in defiance god and nature, gotten Bill, Terry McAuliffe, and Lanny Davis to shut the hell up for increments exceeding 60 seconds, the outcome might have been different.

I thought her endorsement today, as difficult as it must have been, rang true. I know some Clinton supporters will never vote for Obama--check out the comment section on Hillaryclinton.com--but most Hillary backers are intelligent and engaged, and as November rolls 'round, I think they'll get all hope-y like the rest of us.

Transcript:

http://www.hillaryclinton.com/news/speech/view/?id=7903

Opa, Yasou, et al

Wednesday was one of those days that proves the adage, "man plans, God laughs" and I unexpectedly found myself in Phinney Ridge with a bit of time to kill. I ate at Mae's, of course, because I'm not a communist, then wandered the neighborhood for the first time in months. Turns out a new Greek import food store, The Shop Agora, has opened across the street and I popped in. Discovered it's wonderfully authentic without the contrived "rustic-ness" such venues sometimes feature and that it offers some of the best Greek sweets outside of family holidays. Came away with goods for two friends and for myself, and while I don't eat Greek food that often, when I partake next time, I'll definitely head back:

http://www.theshopagora.com/Agora/Welcome_.html

I'm going to wave the dork flag pretty high here...

...but I'm hugely proud to be an American tonight. And my cousins' kids who are five and under will never know a time in which all this wasn't possible. Onwards!

(Also: five more months to go. Dear god.)

I reiterate my longstanding offer: free head and pizza for whomever finds a cure

The New York Times May 30 CFIDS feature is one of the smartest and most insightful I've encountered. The professor interviewed, Leonard Jason, has it himself and does a fine job illustrating what it's like to live with the illness and why the word "fatigue" is misleading. If you know me, it'd mean a lot if you read it:

http://health.nytimes.com/2008/05/30/health/healthguide/esn-chronicfatigue-expert.html?ex=1212897600&en=9a1504256e54da6a&ei=5070

Thankee kindly. And I should clarify: I will pay for the head and pizza, but I won't provide it myself. Unless you cure it in the next week or so. I'm lookin' at you, CDC researchers.

Et tu, Carrie?

A few years ago, Fran Lebowitz was asked about the recent proliferation of strollers and such on Manhattan's landscape. She replied, essentially, that these same people already have the rest of the country, so why did they need to overrun New York?

I felt something analogous at the 3:15 showing of Sex and the City today. The film is aimed at the type of women who go to New York and take the SATC tour, who don't catch that what made the show great is that its smart, flawed characters would never do something so passive and contrived. The big screen adaptation is a hackneyed romantic comedy and if I hadn't looked forward to it all year, I would have bailed around the time Charlotte, literally, shits her pants. (Okay, I know you don't see a lot of that in rom-coms, but it was the hoariest, dumbest sight gag.)

I completely respect Michael Patrick King, Sarah Jessica Parker, and crew, and I know the financial and demographic aspects of a wide-release feature are very different from that of a premium-cable series. But still. Three fourths of pop culture is aimed at the tour bus women. Couldn't we have kept this one for us?

Lightning round:

As I've noted, the novel has been usurping most of my upright hours. But I've been feeling a bit better lately (again w/ the wood-knocking), so I'm going to try and resume posting here several times a week. To catch up:

1) Still can't wrap my mind around events in Myanmar and in China.

2) Feel awful for Ted Kennedy and his family. While I've made cracks about him before, I usually agree with his policies, but that's not even the point. Brain cancer is a horrific diagnosis and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

3) R.I.P. Sidney Pollack. He made it look easy.

4) The good part, as it were, of Hillary's RFK comment is that it irrefutably proves a point Phyllis Chesler made over 30 years ago in her seminal work, Women and Madness: that women are humans, with all the greatness and folly that entails. I.e. it's a mistake to cast women in the saint roll because it's infantilizing and, ultimately, inaccurate. In general terms, women and men's strengths and weaknesses are sometimes different, but on the whole, each sex brims with total awesomeness and absolute crap. And maybe that's the strongest argument for shattering the remaining glass ceilings: not all that much is going to change.

5) While we're on the topic, and I've made this point elsewhere, but of course we're going to elect a woman president in the near future. I don't understand all the teeth-grinding editorials suggesting we might not. Women are almost 51% of a nation of roughly 300 million. All of our stars aren't hitched to Senator Clinton's campaign and it's a little bizarre to suggest otherwise.

6) If this doesn't swell your heart with lovely and buoyant feelings, go ahead and swallow the last pill because you're already dead:

http://jezebel.com/5011617/adorable-dog-adopts-orphaned-baby-bunnies

I'll weigh in on a panoply of things...

...later today or Friday. This past week has been a miasma of health and real estate snafus, but I'm pleased to report the novel is still going well. (Wood knocked, salt thrown over shoulder. All that.)

In the meantime, here are excellent recent interviews from two of the very best ladies.

Toni Morrison in Time Magazine:

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1738303,00.html

Amy Sedaris in The Onion's A.V. Club:

http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/amy_sedaris

On a somewhat related note, Toni Morrison and Alice Walker have endorsed Barack Obama and Maya Angelou is backing Hillary Clinton. Any election wherein authors' support is trumpeted is kind of great.

Myanmar: How to help

CNN has put together a comprehensive list of the best relief agencies regarding Myanmar's cyclone:

http://edition.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2007/impact/

Nope, no discernible connection:

1) Media bloggers who use the term "Fey-tigue" regarding Tina Fey are irredeemable cretins who will toss the Devil's salad in hell, with their eyes open, listening to Jon Bon Jovi discuss how critics don't take him seriously but that he's in it for the fans.

2) When Hillary says she'll "obliterate" Iran if it launches a nuclear strike against Israel, she's being forthright about U.S. policy, if shockingly cavalier concerning civilian casualties. If anyone attacks Israel with nuclear weapons, the U.S. will be ensnared, essentially, in World War III. You can't blame her for the honest response, but I wish she hadn't sounded like Tony Montana while discussing a nightmare scenario that literally could eradicate swaths of humankind.

3) When was the last time you had Eggs Benedict? How great does that sound right now?

4) The cherry blossom trees near my home are blooming and even if Seattle is still ridiculously chilly, it's lovely to watch spring poke through the blanketing gray.