My new Seattle Weekly feature is online and on stands now!

My new Seattle Weekly feature, "An Incomplete History of Clutch Douglass' Journey to the '80s" is out now:

http://www.seattleweekly.com/2011-01-19/music/an-incomplete-history-of-clutch-douglass-journey-back-to-the-80s/

Fun being funny again!

A brief catch-up while dinner is in the oven:

• The Nerve essay (see previous post) generated a volume of letters as large as it was unforeseen. Completely bittersweet, given the piece's topic, and deeply humbling that people have chosen to share their own stories of loss. Each missive deserves a thoughtful response and all three of my inboxes have been overflowing for the past 10 days. I'm nearly caught up, but if you haven't heard from me yet, you will soon.
• Re Dr. King's birthday on Monday, those who think we live in "post-racial" nation now that we have an African-American President should read the comments on any well-trafficked site whenever said President is mentioned. As one of my friends says, "The only people who think this is a 'post-racial' society are always white."
• I'm going to concentrate on the astoundingly good news Congresswoman Giffords stood up today and momentarily ignore the House repeal of health care reform, which the Senate, of course, has no intent to take up. The only thing the House GOP understands less than health care reform, apparently, is health.
  

My new essay for Nerve, "After the Fire", is up:

Hard to write; much harder not to. Deeply touched by the insightful comments:

http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/true-stories/true-stories-after-the-fire

Hard to know where to begin:

Since first watching CNN's "Breaking News" report yesterday while nestling with the puppy and returning emails, i.e. engaging in unremarkable Saturday morning behavior, I've been incredibly saddened and upset by the horror that unfolded in Tuscon.

I feel awful for the victims and for their loved ones. I send Congresswoman Giffords and each survivor prayers and healing thoughts and wish them recovery with minimum trauma and maximum resiliency. The families of the deceased will always bear the scars and I hope they are able to find as much peace as they can. Found out today Judge John Roll was a longtime friend of a family friend and if we gauge others by the company they keep, Roll was a very good man indeed. And while it's hardly without precedent, I still can't wrap my mind around someone shooting a nine year-old girl. Or the level of hate required to shoot Giffords point-blank in the head.

Much discussion has resulted about the increased political vitriol of recent years and whether the gun cross-hairs Sarah Palin placed on 20 "targeted" opponents, among them Giffords, was a contributing factor to the actions of the deranged Jared Loughner. I'm 43 and those my age who are politically active have frequently commented in recent times we have never seen this kind of hate in U.S. politics. We feared someone would get killed or severely wounded. (For the record, and this should be obvious, but I would be equally horrified had a Republican congressperson been shot. Our elected officials shouldn't have to risk their lives.) Loughner bears the ultimate responsibility but I do think Palin and those who engage in sustained and pernicious "targeting" of their political opponents shoulder some of the blame. A sane person could view Palin's cross-hairs all day everyday and be unmoved to shoot one of the listed. But it's kind of fucking obvious not everyone is sane. And when you have roughly two and a half million Facebook supporters, as does Palin, keeping such a graphic on your page is spectacularly unwise. Whether Loughner was influenced by it remains to be seen; even if he wasn't, well, so what? Said graphic accomplished nothing except the notion it's valiant to dehumanize your opponents. And if history teaches us anything, it's that it's easy to harm those you dehumanize.

Speaking of Facebook, one of its most disheartening elements is the way in which some almost reflexively lunge for the jugular in political discussions. I'm openly, unabashedly lefty on most issues but quite vocal when I think Republicans have a good point (for instance, I'm not a fan of Boehner's and have made several jokes at his expense, but he has handled this tragedy with leadership and compassion). I have Republican loved ones, each of whom is well-informed and carefully considers the issues. On the left, we frequently accuse the right of lockstep thinking and it's often an accurate portrayal, but there's a whole lotta group think on the left, too, and in some ways it's even sadder because we insist we're the intellectuals. I enjoy healthy debate and most of the discussions on my page are just that. But it's assinine how many times in the two plus years I've been on Facebook I've had to chide someone for writing on my page they want to kill Sarah Palin. As I noted three months ago during the '10 camgaign when a colleague said his hypothetical slogan would be, "Kill Dino Rossi", this is the kind of thing that (rightfully) outrages us when some dipshit posts it about President Obama in comment sections everywhere; we can't do the inverse but somehow think it's okay because we have a million reasons we loathe Rossi because the comment section dipshits feel the same about Obama. None of us should advocate killing our opponents. Period. Why isn't this self-evident?

The fact Loughner was turned away from the military but still able to legally purchase a gun will forever baffle me and all sentient beings. This wasn't a question of the Second Amendment but of common sense: if your mental health problems preclude you from carrying a weapon overseas, they preclude you from carrying one to a Safeway parking lot.

We can do better than this. We'll have to.

All thoughts and prayers to those whose lives were ruptured yesterday.

The world grows increasingly interconnected with each passing year and...

...this would be horrible news under any circumstances, but one of my best friends for the past 23 years just moved to London yesterday, so I find this particularly disturbing.

Wishing the Brits best of luck and very much hope this is a false alarm. In particular, I want my friend and his wife to be safe. And holy hell, what fucked up news to receive the first day in your new city:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/europe/01/06/london.terrorist.attacks/index.html

And now, thanks, Huffington Post and once again, Smith Magazine!

Fun piece in which to be included and a rollicking good way to launch 2011:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/larry-smith/six-word-memoirs-new-year_b_803327.html?ref=fb&src=sp#s218347&title=Finish%20manuscript%3B%20click%20heels%3B%20drink%20heavily.

Thanks, KEXP!

KEXP interviewed a bunch of us re our 2011 resolutions. Fun being included with Ken Stringfellow, Matthew Caws, King County Executive, Dow Constantine and others whose work I admire and/or with whom I'm friends. Plus, an added bonus: my younger brother is actually impressed:

http://blog.kexp.org/blog/2010/12/30/seattle-music-scene%E2%80%99s-new-year%E2%80%99s-resolutions-pt-1/comment-page-1/#comment-389563

Special thanks to KEXP writer Jon Harthun for eliciting my answers.

May 2011 kiss all of us on the cheek. Best to you and yours!

Salut!

• To my loved ones and colleagues who helped assuage the searing grief to manageable levels, I remain forever and deeply grateful. I've written of this before but it's worth repeating: there's so much good in the world and I was surrounded by it and that made all the difference. The shock wore off months ago and the "new normal" everyone kept referring to continues to take shape. I incorporate his memory daily and will miss him 'til I'm dead, but in incremental ways, I'm getting the hang of the second half of my life.
  

• To everyone wise enough not to inject their religious or philosophical beliefs into another's grief. The most salient card I received read, "It's always too soon." Really, that's all anyone needs to say.
  

• I feel he helped look after me in the early months after his death. I realize some lose a partner or close loved one and experience their total absence. I'm not disputing their accounts; merely relaying mine. And I know I might be wrong.
  

• I worked with a particularly fine crop of editors and producers this year and will be working with each of them throughout 2011 and that's high-five and heel-click prompting.
  

• To the five conventionally married couples who like as well as love each other: nice job. Share tips with your friends; save the rest of us the headache of listening to another conversation delineating the ways in which marriage is not a porridge of rainbows and gold-leaf crumbles.

• I loved my rabbits boundlessly and when the last one died in May, my home started to resemble a catacomb. So it's been pretty fucking great that my puppy, Thomas, is every bit as sweet, smart, life-affirming and reflexively goofy as I'd hoped he'd be. Thomas Puppy!

• To each citizen and administration official who worked tirelessly to pass health care reform and to repeal DADT. So much left to accomplish, but this is a damned fine start. And I'm still glad I raised money and voted for President Obama.

• There is some good news in the offing I've shared with almost no one because I'd rather unveil it when the ink is dry. Still, it's pleasant having things to look forward to again.
  

• I am profoundly lucky my family, friends and colleagues are, in fact, my family, friends and colleagues. Much love now and forever.
  

[I know I wrote a few days ago that I wouldn't mention him in my year-end wrap-up because a set of grief-mongers apparently has little to do but search for his name here. Well, fuck 'em.]

Why the Jimmy Carter comparision makes no sense whatsoever:

As during the Carter years, there's a recession akin to a bloodbath; joblessness persists; house values keep plummeting and the nation's mood remains cranky as hell.

But to borrow Joe Biden's oft-quoted phrase, here's the huge fucking deal: Carter's one term held few historically notable successes. Obama's first two years contain a pair of gigantic victories: health care reform and the repeal of DADT. Also, the combat phase of the Iraq war is essentially over (not that we can breathe easy yet, but we're moving in the right direction).

No, Gitmo isn't closed and Obama hasn't devised a way to divide loaves and fishes or walk on water, but it'd be useful if my fellow compadres on the left took a sec, breathed deep and momentarily enjoyed what the administration has accomplished so far. The "to do" list still scrolls to the floor, but focusing on success builds momentum, which in turn leads to more success.

And for god's sake, media outlets, you must chill: no one is challenging him from the left in '12. With so many actual stories to cover, it's assinine to speculate where none exists.

Guy walking by absorbed by your Kindle...

...unless it contains Pakistan's nuclear codes and you've heard rumors President Asif Ali Zardari has an itchy trigger finger, you appear less intellectual, not more.

The smartest and most insightful response is usually to engage in the world surrounding you.

All thoughts and prayers for my friend and her family, please:

I'll heading out the door soon for Part #2 of the Christmas cacophony but my thoughts are with my good friend, whose sister died yesterday after a long bout with brain cancer. She died at home surrounded by her loved ones and for the past two weeks, each of them knew this would arrive any moment.

While her sister's suffering is over, there is a tragedy and, from where I sit, a meaningless to such deaths. Randomness is as brutal a force as the tsunami that killed hundreds of thousands of individuals on this day six years ago.

I'll be seeing my friend soon and we've been there for each other through previous bouts of unfettered awfulness, but everything about this passing is spectacularly unfair and I know whatever comfort I can provide is di minimis and the whole point of this holiday seems perverse and darkly ridiculous right now.

I'm massively fortunate to have...

...so many deeply thoughtful, extraordinarily intelligent, boundlessly talented and ridiculously super-cute friends and family members.

That said, my dear friend and colleague, Jade, just gave me an autographed first-edition Joan Didion, so unless someone wants to gift-wrap Bono and/or Jon Hamm, I think this is the gift-getting pinnacle.

I'm going to skip year-end reflections...

...because much of them would incorporate you-know-who and I long ago opted to withhold from the grief-mongers whatever it is they think they'll find here. (Seriously, when certain individuals do searches on his name here several times a week, it's not a question of loose screws so much as the degree of looseness.)

Instead, I'll offer a holiday piece I filmed for the Seattle Channel three years ago. (He and I watched it together on my living room couch when it first aired. There--I'll throw you a grief scrap.)

Re the piece itself, about the Christmas torment my brother unleashed on my high school boyfriend, what good are the holidays if you can't needle your younger sibling and remind him that even on the cusp of fatherhood, he remains your baby bro? Ah, payback, a quarter century later. I start at a minute and 17 seconds:

Seattle Channel Video can be played in Flash Player 9 and up

My new interview with John Vanderslice for Paste Magazine is here:

The lauded singer-songwriter and all-around swell guy on philanthropy, Three Imaginary Girls, Teen Feed and playing Santa:

http://www.pastemagazine.com/blogs/giving_back/2010/12/john-vanderslice-dresses-as-santa-for-three-imaginary-girls-fundraiser.html

I've had a spate of interviews lately I've really enjoyed and this ranks high among them. My editor made an error, though, and one of JV's answers makes a lot less sense without the question preceding it. So here's the full exchange:

PASTE: The Three Imaginary Girls told me how thrilled they were you stepped up with little notice to play Santa at their holiday concert benefiting Teen Feed, the non-profit that provides meals for homeless youth, and that you'll perform at the event, as well. The night before Three Imaginary Girls' soiree, you're joining your frequent compadres, the Mountain Goats, to play a live show accompanying a silent film in the Castro. So you're playing an intricately involved affair in your home city, San Francisco, then immediately hopping a plane to Seattle to help hungry teens. Few artists of your stature would put themselves through the rigors of performing the shows sequentially. What compelled you to say, "Yes"?

JOHN VANDERSLICE: Well, when Three Imaginary Girls calls, you best answer, “Yes.” I'm there for Three Imaginary Girls and Teen Feed! I'll fly in that night and don my suit in the mini-van (Town car? Limo? Ha!) on the way to the show. Teen Feed is a tremendous charity doing necessary work so helping them has to be a good thing. John Darnielle [of the Mountain Goats] asked me a few days after I had accepted the invitation to come to Seattle. I would have done both shows either way. I feel lucky to have such good people who want to do things with me!

The Vanderslicer! Three Imaginary Girls! Teen Feed!

My new Seattle Weekly piece on Three Imaginary Girls' holiday benefit for Teen Feed, featuring the endlessly swell John Vanderslice, is online and on stands now:

http://www.seattleweekly.com/events/three-imaginary-girls-holiday-party-1168315/

If you need a respite from holiday-induced madness, loved ones and/or deadlines:

The deeply talented and industrious Diane Mapes has a new feature on MSNBC.com in which I'm among those interviewed. Bemused that a number of my friends recalled the person in question right away:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40281993/ns/health-pain_center/

And Thomas was featured on Capitol Hill Blog a few months ago, but I had a bunch of deadlines and neglected to post it:

http://capitolhillseattle.com/2010/09/28/hillcats-2010

Hooray, puppydog!

The countdown to January 2nd resumes.

It was his birthday on Wednesday...

...but I'm not writing about it here.

You can stop doing word searches on his name.

Well, yeah, that makes sense:

The American Red Cross is now forbidding people with CFIDS from donating blood:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/03/AR2010120305888.html

England and Canada implemented the same measure earlier this year. I've never donated blood in the 19 years I've had CFIDS, even in the early years when my doctors said I could (they've informally advised against it for awhile now), because I figured whatever was making me this ill didn't belong in the blood supply.

Glad the Red Cross is taking this step and I hope the Centers for Disease Control and NIH follow suit.

It's almost too easy to deem birther Texas State Representative Leo Berman (R) a racist, clinically paranoid...

...and skull-dented withered old man, but it's accurate on all counts, so what are you going to do?

Anderson Cooper dismantles Berman's inaccuracies in an exemplary televised interview that should inspire more journalists how to remain calm while shredding totally fabricated crap:

http://www.nerve.com/news/politics/watch-anderson-cooper-mops-the-floor-with-republican-birther

I'm pretty damned fortunate nearly everyone in my life...

...understands at least the basics of CFIDS, including its severity and unpredictability.

Which is hugely appreciated, as I was too ill to attend Thanksgiving (marking the first time I've been so incapacitated I skipped a major holiday) or my friends' dinner party Saturday night. Except to walk the puppy, I've been unable to leave the house for days. Still on track with my upcoming deadlines, but I'm in so much pain it hurts to lift my head.

If you know me, you know this isn't a bid for sympathy. Far from it. I remain open about CFIDS because there are so many misconceptions surrounding it; the only way this changes is if those of us with the illness are honest about how we live. And it's as pointless to dwell on it as it is to hide it.

Really touched that my dad brought by holiday leftovers and that several friends volunteered to do the same. I'd gone grocery shopping before the worst of it hit, so I'm well-stocked, but still: I'm super-lucky in a lot of ways and this is one of them.

Laura Hillenbrand, lauded author of Seabiscuit and "A Sudden Illness", her essay detailing her life with CFIDS, has a new novel, Unbroken, receiving wide acclaim. (You can read a fine excerpt in this month's print version of Vanity Fair.) In yesterday's Washington Post, Hillenbrand discusses the intersection of CFIDS and writing:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/11/28/AR2010112803533.html

And in the new Newsweek, the XMRV retrovirus and its possible causative or correlative role with CFIDS is examined:

http://www.newsweek.com/2010/11/28/could-a-virus-cause-chronic-fatigue-syndrome.html

I'm reminded of Chris Rock's line, that the last time science cured anything, "I Love Lucy" was still on the air, but like most of us, I'd be mighty thrilled with an even somewhat reliable treatment.

Good thing I can do my job lying down.