Elizabetha Regina, Head of the Commonwealth, Lord High Admiral, Supreme Governor of the Church of England, Deliverer of Cockpunches

I have nothing but disdain for liberals who believe hating George Bush is the same as articulating and embracing a cogent ideology. (I was at a party recently where the assembled basically stated that the U.S. had done nothing good in the past 50 years. Ignoring, of course, that this is merely an inversion of right-wing principles.)

That said, I think the current administration is corrupt and hubristic and venal. From the mangled execution of the Iraq war to NIH policy that classifies women in their menstruating years as "pre-pregnant" to the president's illogical tax cuts to the absence of habeus corpus after several years for Guantanamo detainees to the still-shocking fallout from Katrina to the Alberto Gonzales hearings to ignoring the science of climate change (and this, obviously, is an abbreviated list), the W. years have been, in many ways, an umitigated disaster.

Which is why it is my sincerest hope that, at tonight's White House dinner in her honor, Queen Elizabeth cock-punches George Bush with the full force of Zeus. Really, who better to pull this off than Britain's venerated monarch? Her own security detail, who probably view Bush as an uncouth and lobotomized ruffian, are unlikely to stop her. And what can the Secret Service do? Throw her to the parquet floor? Taze her? Abscond with her hat? She's the freaking Queen. Plus, she's 81 years old and unlikely to return to D.C. soon. It doesn't matter if she's crossed off Camp David's guest list. And with anti-U.S. sentiment at an all-time high in England, this presents a unique opportunity for Her Majesty to bolster favor among the Brits.

And if she nutmegs Cheney, I'll walk the Corgis for a year.