Things I Would Rather Do Than Explain Writing to Those Who Don't Write:
- Forego spring rolls and shrimp phad thai for a year
- Have a Viagra-fueled three-way with John and Cindy McCain whilst Sean Hannity lurks by the nightstand and jerks off
- Listen to a well-educated person in their 30s act surprised that having children is, in fact, a singular and transformative experience
- Hang out with a baby boomer who launches into an anecdote with, "Back when I was on campus..."
- Endure a Candlebox revival
- Discuss "one's journey" with Madonna
- Make out with a life coach
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