Thursday, August 07, 2008

Essential truths:

  • Each statement uttered by John McCain or his campaign staff during the past week has made the Arizona senator sound like a complete ass
  • Andre Benjamin's smile could illuminate the darkest cave and should be studied as a possible alternative fuel source
  • Avocado slices and soy cream cheese on a whole wheat bagel smacks of leftovers from a Joni Mitchell sack lunch circa 1973 but is actually quite delicious
  • Writers should adopt David Bazan's "Fewer Broken Pieces" as our anthem
  • I get to legally kill the guy who revs his un-muffled Harley every night outside my bedroom window
  • Same for the designer on "Project Runway" tonight who'd never heard of Sgt. Pepper
  • Also, everyone who asks, "How many more pages do you have left to go?"
  • Chuck Klosterman is brilliant and should not be imitated
  • No one with a functioning cerebellum cares what Pitchfork thinks
  • Patton Oswalt and Wanda Sykes will cure what ails you
  • The Deluxe's turkey cobb salad suggests God might like us after all
  • My bunnies are cuter than your kids

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