Spit-wads or Saran Wrap on their toilet seats acceptable substitutes:

I thought last night's State of the Union Address was erudite, pragmatic, inspiring, compassionate, self-aware, and I like that the president threw a few elbows. Could have been more satisfied only if he issued an executive order stating shin-kicking and wedgies inflicted upon Senators Lieberman and Nelson and the five Supreme Court Justices who handed down last week's deplorable campaign finance decision would be legal indefinitely.