A stellar example of why Andy Borowitz remains one of my favorite scribes:

"Poll: Majority Favor Earlier Bedtime for McCain:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - In the wake of several cranky public utterances by Arizona's senior senator in recent days, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor an earlier bedtime for John McCain."

More:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/poll-majority-favor-earli_b_512309.html