"But it's like I'm stuck inside a painting/ That's hanging in the Louvre..."

Because this one is too often overlooked. "Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight" from Bob Dylan's 1983 LP, Infidels: Just a minute before you leave, girl, Just a minute before you touch the door. What is it that you're trying to achieve, girl? Do you think we can talk about it some more? You know, the streets are filled with vipers Who've lost all ray of hope, You know, it ain't even safe no more In the palace of the Pope. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, yeah. Come over here from over there, girl, Sit down here. You can have my chair. I can't see us goin' anywhere, girl. The only place open is a thousand miles away and I can't take you there. I wish I'd have been a doctor, Maybe I'd have saved some life that had been lost, Maybe I'd have done some good in the world 'Stead of burning every bridge I crossed. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, oh, yeah. I ain't too good at conversation, girl, So you might not know exactly how I feel, But if I could, I'd bring you to the mountaintop, girl, And build you a house made out of stainless steel. But it's like I'm stuck inside a painting That's hanging in the Louvre, My throat start to tickle and my nose itches But I know that I can't move. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's gone but the past lives on, Tomorrow's just one step beyond And I need you, oh, yeah. Who are these people who are walking towards you? Do you know them or will there be a fight? With their humorless smiles so easy to see through, Can they tell you what's wrong from what's right? Do you remember St. James Street Where you blew Jackie P.'s mind? You were so fine, Clark Gable would have fell at your feet And laid his life on the line. Let's try to get beneath the surface waste, girl, No more booby traps and bombs, No more decadence and charm, No more affection that's misplaced, girl, No more mudcake creatures lying in your arms. What about that millionaire with the drumsticks in his pants? He looked so baffled and so bewildered When he played and we didn't dance. Don't fall apart on me tonight, I just don't think that I could handle it. Don't fall apart on me tonight, Yesterday's just a memory, Tomorrow is never what it's supposed to be And I need you, yeah.

Copyright © 1983 Special Rider Music Link: http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/dontfall.html

I agree with everything except the last one

This ran without a byline or I'd give the (prescient) author credit. Esquire's "A Guide to Picking New Music":

Good Signs

-- The album-cover art is suitable for framing.
-- The first ten seconds of song 10 are about as good as the first ten seconds of song 1.
-- The band has played Conan O'Brien.
-- The music is put out by any of the following labels: Bloodshot, Barsuk, Anti-, ATO, Lost Highway, New West, Nonesuch, Merge, or Sub Pop.
-- Not even the female band members are wearing makeup.

Bad Signs
-- On the album cover, the band looks like they're having a great time.
-- The band's name includes any number under 100.
-- Any of the band's songs features a long introduction marked by dissonance or silence.
-- The music is by a male singer-songwriter who uses his first, middle, and last names (with the exception of David Allen Coe, who is a fine musician).
-- Laser sounds.
-- Any letters in the band name, album title, or song titles are written backward or replaced by a number.
-- You're attracted to the woman who's singing (90 percent accurate).

Link:

http://www.esquire.com/features/eskyawards2007/newmusic0407

"A Young Irene Dunne, Maybe"

My short story, "A Young Irene Dunne, Maybe" was published in the print version of the literary journal, Cranky, almost two years ago. Cranky recently expanded its web site and now the story is online, too:

http://failedpromise.org/Issue_Five/Dremousis.html

Link to Cranky's archives:

http://failedpromise.org/

Britain Proposes Law to Curb Greenhouse Gases

From today's New York Times:

Britain Proposes Law to Curb Greenhouse Gases

By Alan Cowell

Published: March 13, 2007

LONDON, March 13 — As nations and politicians in many parts of Europe compete to burnish their green credentials, the British government today proposed laws requiring a 60 percent reduction in total carbon dioxide emissions by 2050.

If approved, the draft Climate Change Bill could affect many Britons in many ways. Government representatives might be summoned to appear before judges for failing to meet targets; households could come under pressure to switch to low-energy light bulbs and to install more insulation, and manufacturers could be asked to build televisions or DVD players without standby modes that consume energy even when the devices are not in use.

More:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/13/world/europe/13cnd-britain.html?hp

Intestate Follies!

My second piece for Esquire is here:

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/qa-theside/death030707

"Day 341"

My short story, "Day 341", is on Pindeldyboz now:

http://www.pindeldyboz.com/ldday341.htm

Link to the current P-boz issue:

http://www.pindeldyboz.com/

Hagel for President?

I disagree with Senator Chuck Hagel on abortion and environmental issues, but I hope he runs for President because his candor and intelligence might elevate the level of discourse from both parties.

Excerpt from Charles P. Pierce's Esquire profile on the Nebraska senator:

"The president says, 'I don't care.' He's not accountable anymore," Hagel says, measuring his words by the syllable and his syllables almost by the letter. "He's not accountable anymore, which isn't totally true. You can impeach him, and before this is over, you might see calls for his impeachment. I don't know. It depends how this goes."

The conversation beaches itself for a moment on that word -- impeachment -- spoken by a conservative Republican from a safe Senate seat in a reddish state. It's barely even whispered among the serious set in Washington, and it rings like a gong in the middle of the sentence, even though it flowed quite naturally out of the conversation he was having about how everybody had abandoned their responsibility to the country, and now there was a war going bad because of it.

"Congress abdicated its oversight responsibility," he says. "The press abdicated its responsibility, and the American people abdicated their responsibilities. Terror was on the minds of everyone, and nobody questioned anything, quite frankly."

More:

http://www.esquire.com/features/chuckhagel0407

And to everyone...

...who helped make last Saturday's 40th birthday party so much fucking fun, thankee kindly.

Much love always,

L

Search and rescue; ethics; underwear

My first piece for Esquire is here:

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/qa-theside/idiots022707

I'm finishing the second one right now. Please send cashew chicken.

I caved:

I have a Flickr account now:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/litsa/

Holding firm on MySpace, though.

Banal metaphor: the earth's most renewable resource

Melissa Etheridge won an Academy Award last night for her song, "I Need to Wake Up", from the documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. In keeping with the film's environmentally conscious message, Etheridge apparently recycled lyrics from a cache of Utne Reader letters and her seventh grade journal entries:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/lyrics/1872999091/Melissa_Etheridge/I_Need_to_Wake_Up

From AP via Sports Illustrated: Dennis Johnson Dies at 52

When we were kids, my brother and I kept photos of Dennis Johnson--along with pictures of Fred Brown, Gus Williams, Jack Sikma, John Johnson, Joe Hassert, Wally Walker and Al Fleming--taped to the downstairs rec room walls. (The photos of Marvin Webster came down after he was traded.) When the neighborhood kids played basketball, everyone wanted to "be" DJ. Thoughts and prayers to his family.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- Dennis Johnson, the star NBA guard who was part of three championships and teamed with Larry Bird on one of the great postseason plays, died Thursday after collapsing at the end of his developmental team's practice. He was 52.

Johnson, coach of the Austin Toros, was unconscious and in cardiac arrest when paramedics arrived at Austin Convention Center, said Warren Hassinger, spokesman for Austin-Travis County Emergency Medical Services.

Paramedics tried to resuscitate him for 23 minutes before he was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead, Hassinger added. Mayra Freeman, a spokeswoman for the medical examiner's office, said there will be an autopsy.

The Toros postponed home games Friday and Saturday nights, the NBA Development League said.

"He was one of the most underrated players in the history of the game, in my opinion, and one of the greatest Celtic acquisitions of all time," said former Boston teammate Danny Ainge, now the Celtics' executive director of basketball operations.

"D.J. was a free spirit and a fun personality who loved to laugh and play the game. We had spoken at length just the other night about basketball and his excitement about coaching the Austin Toros. "

Johnson, a five-time All-Star and one of the top defensive guards, was part of the last Boston dynasty. He spent 14 seasons in the league and retired after the 1989-90 season. He played on title teams with the Celtics in 1984 and 1986 and with the Seattle SuperSonics in 1979, when he was the NBA finals MVP.

"Whether he was leading his teams to NBA championships or teaching young men the meaning of professionalism, Dennis Johnson's contributions to the game went far beyond the basketball court," NBA commissioner David Stern said. "Dennis was a man of extraordinary character with a tremendous passion for the game."

Link:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/basketball/nba/02/22/johnson.obit.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

or

http://tinyurl.com/2atgey

Think what they could have gotten if they'd sent out sanitary napkins

Esquire sent paper napkins to 250 writers and asked for stories. The results are sublime:

http://www.esquire.com/fiction/napkin-fiction/napkinproject

My Filter Magazine feature on Annie Stela...

...is on stands now. (I'll post it when it's archived online. Right now, it's print-only.) In the meantime, check out the awesomely gifted Ms. Stela's video for "It's You":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-ONLhJBvmw

Sidenote: "It's You" is her first single, and while it's lovely, I don't think it's her best song. My fave is the deliciously witty "Keep Me Around".

The Saturday Knights: awesome as sex; vintage coats

Sometimes listening to promo discs feels like homework, but I've been rocking the Saturday Knights' non-stop since Friday. (Thank you, as always, to my friend, the venerable and talented Mr. Estey.) Their song, "45", has been getting play on KEXP and on KNDD, but my favorite track is the infectious and revved, "Motorin'".

If the Saturday Knights can't alleviate your existential doldrums, you are one phone call away from the crisis line:

http://www.myspace.com/thesaturdayknights

From Reuters via CNN: Work starts on Arctic seed vault

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Deep inside the Arctic Circle work is about to begin on a giant frozen Noah's Ark for food crops to provide a last bastion in the battle against global warming.

And within a year the first seeds of what will eventually be home for samples of all 1.5 million distinct varieties of agricultural crops worldwide will be tucked safely inside the vaults deep in a mountain on the archipelago of Svalbard.

There, at the end of a tunnel 120 meters into the side of a mountain, 80 meters above estimated sea levels even if all polar ice melts, and 18 degrees Celsius below freezing, they will stay like a bank security deposit.

"It will be the best freezer in the world by several orders of magnitude. The seeds will be safe there for decades," said Cary Fowler of the Food and Agricultural Organization's Global Crop Diversity Trust.

"Svalbard is a safety backup -- and we hope we never have to use it."

The Norwegian government is footing the $5 million construction bill and the Global Crop Diversity Trust is providing the estimated $125,000 a year running costs.

"We are going back to the older varieties because that is where you find the largest genetic diversity ... and diversity is protection," Fowler told Reuters in London.

Svalbard will not find and sort the seeds. That is being left to the various seed banks around the world in the front line of the battle to protect biodiversity.

The function of the Arctic Noah's Ark will be to hold samples of all the food crop varieties in case disaster strikes any of the banks -- like the typhoon that wiped out the Philippines agri crop gene bank in October.

More:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/02/09/climate.deep.freeze.reut/index.html

News editors: apparently, not film buffs

A slew of reports have compared Anna Nicole Smith to her supposed idol, Marilyn Monroe. Yes, they were both blonde former Playmates with substance abuse problems who died in their late thirties. The crucial difference, however, is that Monroe was an actress. She made two pictures with Billy Wilder for chrissakes. (Some Like It Hot remains one of the few films my brother and I enjoy equally.) Is Monroe's photographic image now divorced from her work? Has no one in the newsroom viewed Gentlemen Prefer Blondes? And perhaps the saddest part of the Smith tale, aside from her children, is that everyone knew who she was, but no one was her fan.

Diapers and Vicodin

With regards to the astronaut/attempted murder/love triangle tale saturating the news today, I'm reminded of something Matthew Perry said on "Larry King" years ago. King asked Perry how many Vicodin he took each day prior to getting clean. Perry (wisely) said he wouldn't answer that publicly because he said there is a tendency for someone in denial to hear a high number and think, I don't take one hundred Vicodin a day, I must not be an addict.

The diapers are, essentially, the one hundred Vicodin in the krazee astronaut story. Valentine's Day is approaching and, undoubtedly, some apparently functioning individual is sitting at his or her desk right now, gnawing on a pencil, and contemplating the harm of one who spurned his or her advances. The tripwire, however, is that now said individual can concoct an elaborate scheme involving glass shards, maple syrup, and a safety leash and still mull reassuringly, "At least I won't shit myself on the way there."

"The trouble with blaming powerless people is that although it's not nearly as scary as blaming the powerful, it does miss the point..."

"...Poor people do not shut down factories ... Poor people didn't decide to use 'contract employees' because they cost less and don't get any benefits."--Molly Ivins, 1997

I remember reading this piece when it first ran and it was hugely influential. When I first became ill, there were times her work made me laugh when little else could. Ms. Ivins wrote with a brio and intelligence sorely lacking on both ends of the ideological spectrum. Today she died of breast cancer at 62. God fucking damnit.

Molly Ivins R.I.P.:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/01/31/obit.ivins.ap/index.html

Stuff you need to know right now

1) CNN's Jeff Greenfield looks way too happy to be trotted out for pre-election commentary. As I write this, I swear, in his tete a tete with Wolf Blitzer, he looks a bit hard.

2) Hey, music publicists! The next one of you who practically humps my leg in order to get me to review your act and I show up at the club and my name is not on the list, I will hunt you down and shank you. Then teach you to write a press release without referencing Karen O. or Sonic Youth.

3) The Pernice Brothers' "Somerville" was the second best song of 2006. (The first, of course, was the LWs' "Hindsight". You can fight me on this. You will lose.)