Monday, July 23, 2007

You know you wish you'd thought of it:

  • To stave off protracted economic instability, airlines should offer, at a slightly higher rate, flights that bar children under twelve. (I'd suggest charging parents of said kids more, but like swiping ecstasy for Dick Cheney's heart meds or throat-punching Seattleites who refer to New York as "too noisy", it would be illegal.)
  • If you don't like Regina Spektor and/or Elliott Smith, you don't get to vote.
  • In the eighteen months following a divorce, one relocates to a government-sponsored ranch in say, Wyoming, where therapy and beer are provided for free.
  • The stone-throwing scene from "The Lottery" is enacted against those who don't think Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby's recording of Cole Porter's "Well, Did You Evah!" is one of the high points of the twentieth century.
  • Free head and pizza for whomever cures CFIDS.

1 comment:

Eric Spitznagel said...

Wow. This is like my personal 10 Commandments, only cut down to a more user-friendly 5, and with fewer rules ruined by heavy-handed and completely subjective morality.

I love Elliott Smith and Cole Porter covers, and hate children and anything that keeps Litsa Dremousis from writing.

Wyoming, eh? Hmmm.